A doorbell is heard to ring. There is a man in a slick suit at the front door.
“Morning Madam”
“No thank you, you’re an Encyclopaedia Salesman aren’t you?
We don’t want anything”
“No Madam. I’m a door to door doctor, dentist and optician”
“But there’s nothing wrong with me”
“It’s my job to find out”
“But I go to Dr Smithers. I don’t think he’ll like it if I………”
“Don’t worry. I’ll give you a quick look over and nobody
will know the difference”
“Well, I s’pose it won’t do any harm”
“Right, close your eyes and tell me what is written on this
sheet of paper”
“I can’t see”
“Oh, I’ve only been here a minute and already I have
detected a sight problem”
“But, But,”
“Yes, Yes”
“But, But, But”
“And a stutter, a stutter. Now put this thermometer in your
mouth”
Muffled sound of
orally inserted thermometer
“Oh dear. Just as I thought”
“Doctor, give it to me straight. What’s wrong with me”
“Well, 50 years ago it was only serious but now this is
fatal”
“What”
“Well, I’ll have to give you a word association test. Just
tell me the first word that comes into your head after each word I say. Ready?
ME”
“I”
“TREE”
“WOOD”
“HATE”
“LIKE”
“STRAW”
“’AY”
“TELEVISION”
“SET”
“ON”
“OFF”
“BOOKS”
“ENCYCLOPAEDIA’S”
“Now all together in one sentence”
“I wood like a set off encyclopaedias”
“Lovely, Madam, Sign here, Thank you very much indeed, Good
day to you!”
(Source. The Betty Witherspoon Show from 11th March 1974. Salesman played by Kenneth Williams, Housewife by Miriam Margoyles)
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