The Two Towers

It has just been announced that the Humber Bridge has attained Listed or Protected Status as a building of significant national or local interest. Opened by HM Queen Elizabeth 2 in 1981 the bridge has been an iconic feature of the landscape. I wrote the following in 1981, aged 17, for a school magazine.

Recent archaeological excavations in the region known in the latter part of the 20^th Century as Nhumberside have uncovered what is thought to have been the site of ancient bridge crossing the Humber some time in that era, nearly three hundred years ago in AD 1981.

This fantastic discovery was the first concrete evidence of the existence of this structure but now we believe that we have solved the riddle of the Humber Bridge.

Years of careful research and scrutiny of contemporary documents now places us in the position to recount the saga of the bridge and put forward theories as to its use in the past.

The first ever documentary evidence of the existence of a bridge was found in an ancient manuscript entitled “The Labour Manifesto” of 1967 in which a warrior figure called Barbara Castle promised the people of the region that later became Nhumberside that she would erect a monument to the gods of Investment and Election pledges. However, a later document , thought to have been a news journal , the ‘Ull Delly Mell uncovered that Barbara Castle did in fact not build a bridge but in its place a white elephant that was no use to anybody.

Pictorial evidence was found on the cover of what is presumed to have been a very large accounts ledger. This weighty volume was apparently distributed amongst the householders of the city of ‘Ull and contained, it is thought, details of how much was owed. For example, the Police, Fire and Ambulance services were owing 999. This book is thought to be modelled on a national ledger distributed by an organisation of that era under the name GPO.

However, we are now in a position to print, for the first time since the 1980’s a genuine proof of the existence of the Humber Bridge.

This photograph shows a later stage in the erection of the bridge. 

The structures on top of the south towers are thought to have some significance, possibly to ward off evil spirits such as Over Budget and Unforeseen Delay that could plaque the construction process.

Other problems that befell the project were documented as labour problems and the dreaded inflation.

The style of the bridge is known to the period as suspension and involved the stringing of a roadway from two thick cables running between the two towers. Similar structures have been discovered in parts of Africa but were of an earlier format with rope and wood instead of concrete and steel.

Over the three hundred years since its construction and later destruction (the actual cause not ever having been ascertained) there has been a lot of speculation as to the significance of the suspended roadway.

One school of historical thought believes that it was linked to religion with one set of lanes reserved for sinners and the other for those who were chosen for forgiveness. This theory holds some water in that the excavations at the end of the bridge in Nhumberside has shown traces of small huts or booths which are believed to have been for the purposes of prayer to give users safe passage. Narrower tracks set down just below the roadway  are just wide enough to have been used for use by the privileged and clergy.

Another theory is that the bridge was used as a ceremonial gateway for the pilgrimage of two tribes who resided in the city of ‘Ull distinguishable by their respective coloured liveries of black and white and red and white. These tribes intended to invade, but rarely managed to, areas to the south of the country during the first weeks of May blazing a trail of mayhem and destruction in the name of rugby league.

Of these two theories the first seems the most viable as the bridge did separate two distinctive regions, Nhumberside and Shumberside which seem to have held the auras of Paradise and Armageddon respectively.

A contemporary, grainy Kodak print reveals a religious type ceremony by an important local figure. Notice the small glass booths, barriers and in the distance the north tower. The figure is dressed indicating some authority.

Whatever the actual purpose of the Humber Bridge, whether a political blunder or folly it was still held to be a pinnacle achievement of an otherwise fairly primitive culture. At one time it was the longest single span bridge of its type in the world. 

How times and opinions change over the centuries.