Shoo-in

In this consumerist society that we live in there is tremendous pressure to continually change and upgrade our gadgets and gizmo’s. We are in constant fear of being embarrassed by ownership of last year’s model of mobile phone, training shoes, motor vehicle, watch, desktop and music player. It is relentless. 

We are bombarded by media advertising and peer pressure until we give in and enter into yet another form of modern servitude that hides in the form of a contract, credit card account, store card or other hire purchase type agreements. 

We are conditioned to believe that every current consumer good available to the market is yet a work in progress and the next best thing is just being loaded from the factory on to the pallet for imminent delivery to the out of town superstore or the immense shelved racking of an even further detached on line retailer.

Of course, that product will soon itself be surpassed by yet more developments in technology. 

However, I have rediscovered one specific invention/product that cannot be improved or upgraded in any way whatsoever. 

Those responsible in industry and commerce for design and innovation will be aghast at this revelation. 

What, they will inevitably say, is the use of a product that cannot be re-engineered, reverse engineered or reinvented and by doing so revitalise its earning potential and profitability? 

It follows on from the old joke that the man who made the very first wheel was a fool. It was the next person who made two, three and four wheels who was the real entrepreneur. 

So what is this amazingly perpetual product?

If I tell you that there must be at least one in every household in the world that might be a bit of a clue. 

They are not always in plain sight but are more likely to be stashed away in a drawer or cupboard. 

My current regular one was hidden amongst, as another clue, some metal magic puzzles, screwed up crepe hats, bright plastic spinning tops, an oversized bulldog clip, a small notepad with attached pencil and lots of strips of festive coloured paper with corny jokes. 

Of course these are all things to be found in a Christmas Cracker and my new favourite object is a mainstay from those party and seasonal celebrations. 

It is a small but perfectly formed ebony black shoe horn (those under say, 30 may have to ask their seniors what one of these is and looks like)

I admit now that I groaned in disbelief and disappointment at finding it in the gunpowder hazed cloud that comes after a tussle with a cracker with a family member or visitor. I had really wanted one of those stainless steel tricks or at least a kazoo. 

That shoe horn has in fact been a huge boost to my mobility as I may or may not have mentioned in previous blogs that some 10 months ago now I fell down a hole and snapped a major tendon in my right leg. 

I am now, after many months of physiotherapy, able to press down on my repaired limb sufficiently to make use of footwear other than the Crocs and faithful functional shoes that I have been confined to. 

Loosely taking the Pirelli strap line from the 1990’s, you know where the athlete Carl Lewis lined up to compete but in red high heels, “Power is nothing without control” I can honestly say that good shoes are nothing without a shoe horn. 

There is something very reassuring about overcoming that physical resistance of trying to wedge a human foot into footwear by inserting the simple but effective shoe horn between the heel and the quarter- the technical term for that part of a shoe. 

It is liberation; the pure design and application of a shaped piece of plastic. 

I would challenge the likes of Dyson, Apple, Samsung, Mitsubishi and all global concerns to just even match the form and function of the standard, classic shoe horn. 

I am not in the market for a new one and cannot perceive a time when I would be. 

Could this mark the beginning of the end for consumerism, capitalism, globalism and fat cat profits?