Riot and Assembly on a Bank Holiday

Ah, a Bank Holiday weekend in the UK.

For once the weather has been fantastic and yes, with a bit of sunshine even us Brits can be tempted out of doors to partake in all manner of activities.

Personally I have been to the Tour de Yorkshire cycle race in the wonderful North Yorkshire resort of Scarborough with the slumped cliffs of North Bay acting as a natural amphitheatre from which to view the frantic final surge to the line of the large field of riders on Stage 3.

I hope that the town gets to host one or more of the events when the Cycling World Championships come to God's Own Country in 2019 and that combination of land, sea and sky can again form the perfect backdrop to the best that the sport can offer.

Of course, my absence from the house and its chores on one of the Bank Holiday days had to be rebalanced and so the follow on activities were very much centred on domestic things.

There was the customary visit to a DIY and Garden Centre with the car boot being filled with buckets of paint, rollers and trays, brushes and dust sheet. The voids in between these mainly round and rectangular receptacles were ideal for the placing of trays of box hedge seedlings, a lavender bush, some multicoloured low shrubs and a lemon tree.

Projects in and outside the house were planned and/or commenced in the next 24 to 36 hour period before thoughts strayed to perhaps another family type activity, this upsurge in energy and motivation being assisted wholly by the bright, dry and warm early May climate.

The deciding vote went for flatpacking.

No, not backpacking as in taking to the Moors and Wolds with picnic lunch, tepid beverages and sun screen nor flipflopping on the baking sands of the North Sea Coast.

Flatpacking is an altogether different activity and in our case the catalyst for it to take place was a road trip to the nearest Ikea store.

The Swedish design and manufacturing ethos has been embraced and championed by the British although our own experience of self assembly furniture has not been that good. Our children's rooms and activity areas, in their early years, could have been mistaken for a corner of an Ikea showroom what with the cabin beds, stepped storage units, small chairs and hanging wardrobes.

In their later and teen years the same sorts of furniture but upscaled were bought including computer desks and day beds, trendy light fittings and metallic semi industrial cupboard units. They are sturdy enough when self assembled but perhaps the Scandinavians just stay put indefinitely in one place as any attempt to move house with the furniture certainly highlights some flaws in portability and dismantling. To date, nothing of our multiple Ikea furniture purchases has survived more than one residential relocation.

The drive in a westerly direction to the Leeds Ikea Store was surprisingly quiet but then again the three motorway lanes heading east in the rough direction of regional seaside attractions was noticeably busier.

We arrived in two cars, wasteful I know but essential in anticipation of some big boxed purchases, to find the place almost deserted. It was a welcome change from the usual queuing to get parked and to get in and around the tortuous lay out of the interior displays.

It is quite a family friendly place with little in the way of grumbling from customers over small children charging about with mini flag topped trolleys, potential slip hazards from loose pencils on the floor and the behavioural antics of first time visitors who seem to just stand and stare in amazement at the room settings whilst causing the aisles and walkways to be blocked.

You can have the best plan and intentions for your Ikea shopping trip as in definite choices of items and even their names and serial numbers gleaned from the internet or a paper based catalogue but you have to make allowances for distractions and those dangerous impulse purchases.

There is very clever and compelling use of sales space in each and every aisle which is just too tempting even for the most strong willed to resist. Everyone knows about the wicked overselling of tea lights in Ikea.

The winding journey of discovery from living room to bedroom, home office to bathroom, kitchen to storage solutions can be disorientating. There is a treasure house appearance to the array of wall hung stainless steel cooking implements and the golden promise of the lighting gallery which can be mesmerising to the uninitiated.

We had to take a bit of a breather from the assault on our senses and budget and so stopped in the restaurant for Swedish meatballs, chips, loganberry jam and optional gravy. The consumption of the tasty and nourishing meal boosted our resolve to get through the children's section, carpets and indoor plants to reach the final warehouse section and find our big boxed items.

These were wrestled off the low racking shelves and onto a flatbed trolley before the clumsy negotiation of the bargain and discounted or shop spoiled goods displays which were a final obstacle before the check-out.

Having loaded up the car I was, for the drive home, its solitary occupant amongst the distinctive odour of chipboard and veneer which pleasantly screened out the smell from a Swedish hot dog that my son had asked me to bring back for him.

I always panic at the sight of the box contents spread out on the room floor in readiness for the instruction booklet to be followed on a numbered step by step basis.

I worry about there being enough dowel pegs, small screws, those twisty bits that tighten up the long stick through fixings, hinge plates and stubby fittings?

Fortunately my wife is of good practical and logical mindset and was appointed the project manager. In some 5 to 6 hours out of the following 15 hour period (with a night-time cease fire) the living room workshop was a hotbed of some dazzling self assembly skills and not a few elementary gaffs on my part, before we could stand back and admire the Micke Computer Desk and from the same designer range the corner work station.

Flatpacking may not be as dramatic or desirable an experience as Backpacking or Flipflopping but you certainly feel that you have undertaken a strenuous and challenging activity and have the furniture rather than the blisters and sunburn to prove it.