Marginal Gains

This is a favourite of mine from a few years ago now.............

£3.75 for an all day breakfast!

I am not sure it that is possible.

The food was great but I was consumed by fear and concern that the seaside cafe was operating not out of commercial principles but charity.

I can imagine the Bank Relationship Manager on the nearby cliff top ready to jump out of exasperation for the irrational business plan. Further along the precipice is Ronald McDonald who at last has found his match for the breakfast meal even though he was fully confident  that day would never come.

I felt it necessary to examine the economic facts of my breakfast meal and carry out a risk assessment on the financial status of the owner/proprietor and the ongoing viability of their livelihood.

I did so not want the venture to fail because of me and my compatriot customers. Looking around the dining area I could see that the future prospects for the town were also dependant on the income from the budget breakfast with a group of out of town contractors from the new supermarket site, young mothers with a tangle of laden buggies, two obvious social workers discussing a case , the council street sweeper on a chat-up mission with a lady called Pearl (of a certain age) and with the remainder possibly family members or close relations of the owner and the one member on the staff, my hero the short order cook.

The oval serving plate with a suspiciously familiar Trust House Forte logo on it (therefore nil cost to my exercise), contained, from left to right, 2 mushrooms head side down, a tinned peeled tomato, two nicely thick bacon rashers, a perfectly fried egg, slightly dried sausage (suspected to be quorn) and around 50-60 baked beans of uncertain variety but in decent tomato sauce. In orbit of the main platter, a smaller side plate (no corporate logo) with 4 slices of toast and a separate saucer with a mug of coffee.

I would estimate the cost of materials to be around £1.50 but open to challenge if anyone has the actual time to pricecheck.

I did not get a tour of the kitchen so I have added a further 20 pence to cover the cost of lard for cooking. Therefore £1.70.

Production costs have included a few micro-therms of gas sourced from Russia (conversion rate as per today for roubles to pounds sterling), electric light for the duration of kitchen operations, wages for the cook on a pro-rata basis and a small allowance for depreciation and wear and tear.

Say, a figure for these inputs of £1.65 with sub total so far of £3.35. Main overheads have been considered as follows. Business Rates but subject to small business relief, equivalent market rent for the lock up cafe for the duration of my patronage and outgoings for PAYE and national insurance, say 40 pence. Aggregated total to provide the £3.75 all day breakfast- £3.75.

Just as I suspected from the start. The cafe is not a viable business at face value but priceless for service to the community with a menu of compassion, kindness, refuge and friendship.

I may find it difficult to find a table next time I am in town.