The F in Fish

Some people have naming ceremonies for their domestic pets.

Having been a dog owner myself I can appreciate the excitement and anticipation that goes with choosing a name for what will become a new member of the family. The name can be based on a longstanding favourite from previous pets of the same species to give continuity or to venerate a particular character in history or of the very over-used celebrity status. In recent months I have come across dogs and cats called Stanley, Churchill,  Beyonce and Forsyth.

The animal could have a colouration or features that are irresistible as a name such as Spot, Bluey, Patch or Tripod (an unfortunate three legged Jack Russell taken on from a rescue centre). Other names can be a bit jokey or abstract, for example my Mother's gorgeous Westie Terrier has been given, by previous owners, the incongruous name of Gnasher after a famous comic book hound although his quiet and fluffy demeanour is so far detached from that mischievous and anti-social companion of the Menace, Dennis.

A favourite of mine was from the Canadian Crime series of Due South on 1990's TV where there was a bit of an in joke about Diefenbaker the dog/wolf with his name shortened to Diefer, as in D for Dog. Other names are so left-field that the suitabililty of those thinking up the names to be pet owners must be under scrutiny. Tosser may be a good description of an active hound but when called out in a public open space it can have a different interpretation with those that hear it.

 A friend of mine had a single sheep in his back garden which, to his mother's friends was referred to as James Rydell although we all knew it as Jimmy Riddle as a main trait appeared to be urinating everywhere.

Having written the foregoing I am somewhat ashamed to admit that my two goldfish, constant companions to me in my work-room over the last 3 years remain without any names whatsoever.

I can explain this, partly, in that they were acquired as participants in an Iranian New Year Festival. Amongst various symbols of renewal and tradition the fish represented life and creation as they swam around the glass bowl on a ceremonial table. I fully expected our Iranian friend to claim ownership of the fish and take them with him but no.

 So, a few years further on and they are just behind where I sit at my desk, although in a much larger tank. The bubble and murmur of the filter and pump are hardly noticeable to me now although from time to time the fish flick the surface with their tales to disturb my concentration. This is usually as feeding time approaches or if they require a staring match through the thick glass of the tank which they seem to enjoy doing.

As for giving them names, well, I am pretty close to doing that with the catalyst being something that the pair of them have recently done to their rectangular environment.

It is only in the last week or so that, unbeknown to me and very much behind my back (actually behind where I sit) they have undertaken a large civil engineering project.

Half of the floor area of the tank is now onto the glass bottom of the tank, devoid of any gravel or objects. In a painstakingly slow process by mouth or fin the two fish have created a sloping shelf or underwater beach from the small aggregate stones and pebbles that runs from the middle of the tank all of the way up to the outfall of the pump/filter.

Apparently this behaviour is quite normal for goldfish but in this case normal is not a word I would use. The creation is geologically and topographically perfect over its 30 degree slope. In addition some sizeable stones which were collected during family holidays and excursions for their unusual shape and texture have been manoeuvred into very natural looking positions within and at the foot of the gradient.

This will have been no small feat given their density and ,what I had thought,  immoveability. I have been so engrossed in my own work that this major redevelopment scheme has gone unnoticed for so long. I cannot say which of the fish has assumed the roles of architect, designer, project manager and general labourer although they are very different in size and manner being from two distinct breeds

I can imagine that the larger of the two, a chubby, bossy and belligerent classical Carp shaped fish would be the instigator and the much smaller, delicate and flowing tailed one a bit of a fawning acolyte.

Yes, the fat fish is very bright orange, quite flamboyant and self assured and yet not in possession of the sharpest mind. His companion is subservient but I suspect very clever and a little bit devious in appearing to go along with the whims and fancies of the dominant partner and by doing so getting exactly what it wants.

I can therefore have the naming ceremony here and now.

The pair of fish will henceforth be called Trump and Kush.

There is some satisfaction in having reached this point but I am now a little bit concerned about what the outcome of the further fish tank based activities of Trump and Kush might be- a golf course, a wall or as a launch pad for aggression and mayhem in their own little world...............................................or beyond.