English Lesson 5

Thanks to a gent called Kevin Hale the clever wordplay of some of the best Comedians and Raconteurs has been saved for countless generations to enjoy or express confusion over.

These are yet more contortions and distortions of the English Language as part of a regular feature of the BBC Radio Show "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue" over the last two or more decades.

I am up to English Lesson 5 with the letter "E".

I thought this might be fairly lean pickings at first but the various contributors have not slacked at all in producing some real gems.

Egret- an apology sent by computer

Executive- Professional Hangman

Ergo- She went

Elemental- a Spanish Village idiot

Enrage- getting into an argument over poulty

Ee-by-gum. The taking of a recreational drug orally in Yorkshire

E-Commerce- Business in Yorkshire

Engineer- someone pointing at the back of a VW Beetle

Escoffiere- an internet cafe

Escapee- there's always one that gets off your fork

Elevenses- Welsh Family with dual Spanish Nationality

Endorse- last in the Grand National

Explain- Concorde

Evanescent- a fancy aftershave for Welsh Men

Ersatz- Liverpool Milliners

Exclaim- alimony

Extemporary- permanent

Equip- a clever comment on the internet

Economist- thin and weak fog

Extort- a graduate from college

Egocentric- the Yolk

Elegy- an adverse reaction to poetry

Esplanade- an attempt to explain something when drunk

Ethics- an English County just East of London

Expense- old coinage

Expensive- no longer thoughtful

Expert- a big saggy

Excaliber- former drinker of a type of alcohol free beer

E-mail. What a Yorkshireman says when he gets a postal delivery

Enquire- raucous singing by a group of women celebrating an approaching wedding

Erratic- a virtual attic

Exceed- a plant

Engender- determining the sex of chickens

Excrement- a drop in salary

Emotions- a virtual poo

Earwig- barely a toupee

Euro- the order given to slaves on an ancient galley ship

Eavesdrop- the gutters have just fallen off the house

Ecstasy- former member of the East German Secret Police

Elbow- famous Spanish archer

Elude- naughtiness on a computer

Encumber- the last cucumber

Epic- choosing a computer

Erection- is the Chinese people were given the vote

Excite- now a housing estate

Expect- now wearing contact lenses

Extent- the aftermath of a hurricane through a camp site