Slide your jib

Language is always evolving around us. 

In my lifetime there has been the transition from a very formal approach in good grammatical framework to street slang of the 70's and 80's, the Yuppie speak of the 90's and into the 21st Century with text and twitter. 

This is nothing different to the development of language over the millenia as cultures have merged or been overwhelmed gradually or under violent insurrection. 

It is always interesting to explore where the changes in language first came from. 

I have been listening to the story of the origins of the Jive talk of Harlem, New York and in particular the compilation of a Dictionary of Hepster and Jive by the 1930's Black American performer Cab Calloway. 

It was a revolutionary piece of social and cultural history and an immediate global hit. 

The following are some of the entries from the 1938 publication with many still being in general conversational use today.

• 
  
• A hummer (n.): exceptionally good. Ex., “Man, that boy is a hummer.”
• Ain’t coming on that tab (v.): won’t accept the proposition. Usually abbr. to “I ain’t coming.”
• Alligator (n.): jitterbug.
• Apple (n.): the big town, the main stem, Harlem.
• Armstrongs (n.): musical notes in the upper register, high trumpet notes.

B

• Barbecue (n.): the girl friend, a beauty.
• Barrelhouse (adj.): free and easy.
• Battle (n.): a very homely girl, a crone.
• Beat (adj.): (1) tired, exhausted. Ex., “You look beat” or “I feel beat.” (2) lacking anything. Ex, “I am beat for my cash”, “I am beat to my socks” (lacking everything).
• Beat it out (v.): play it hot, emphasize the rhythm.
• Beat up (adj.): sad, uncomplimentary, tired.
• Beat up the chops (or the gums) (v.): to talk, converse, be loquacious.
• Beef (v.): to say, to state. Ex., “He beefed to me that, etc.”
• Bible (n.): the gospel truth. Ex., “It’s the bible!”
• Black (n.): night.
• Black and tan (n.): dark and light colored folks. Not colored and white folks as erroneously assumed.
• Blew their wigs (adj.): excited with enthusiasm, gone crazy.
• Blip (n.): something very good. Ex., “That’s a blip”; “She’s a blip.”
• Blow the top (v.): to be overcome with emotion (delight). Ex., “You’ll blow your top when you hear this one.”
• Boogie-woogie (n.): harmony with accented bass.
• Boot (v.): to give. Ex., “Boot me that glove.”
• Break it up (v.): to win applause, to stop the show.
• Bree (n.): girl.
• Bright (n.): day.
• Brightnin’ (n.): daybreak.
• Bring down ((1) n. (2) v.): (1) something depressing. Ex., “That’s a bring down.” (2) Ex., “That brings me down.”
• Buddy ghee (n.): fellow.
• Bust your conk (v.): apply yourself diligently, break your neck.

C

• Canary (n.): girl vocalist.
• Capped (v.): outdone, surpassed.
• Cat (n.): musician in swing band.
• Chick (n.): girl.
• Chime (n.): hour. Ex., “I got in at six chimes.”
• Clambake (n.): ad lib session, every man for himself, a jam session not in the groove.
• Chirp (n.): female singer.
• Cogs (n.): sun glasses.
• Collar (v.): to get, to obtain, to comprehend. Ex., “I gotta collar me some food”; “Do you collar this jive?”
• Come again (v.): try it over, do better than you are doing, I don’t understand you.
• Comes on like gangbusters (or like test pilot) (v.): plays, sings, or dances in a terrific manner, par excellence in any department. Sometimes abbr. to “That singer really comes on!”
• Cop (v.): to get, to obtain (see collar; knock).
• Corny (adj.): old-fashioned, stale.
• Creeps out like the shadow (v.): “comes on,” but in smooth, suave, sophisticated manner.
• Crumb crushers (n.): teeth.
• Cubby (n.): room, flat, home.
• Cups (n.): sleep. Ex., “I gotta catch some cups.”
• Cut out (v.): to leave, to depart. Ex., “It’s time to cut out”; “I cut out from the joint in early bright.”
• Cut rate (n.): a low, cheap person. Ex., “Don’t play me cut rate, Jack!”

D

• Dicty (adj.): high-class, nifty, smart.
• Dig (v.): (1) meet. Ex., “I’ll plant you now and dig you later.” (2) look, see. Ex., “Dig the chick on your left duke.” (3) comprehend, understand. Ex., “Do you dig this jive?”
• Dim (n.): evening.
• Dime note (n.): ten-dollar bill.
• Doghouse (n.): bass fiddle.
• Domi (n.): ordinary place to live in. Ex., “I live in a righteous domi.”
• Doss (n.): sleep. Ex., “I’m a little beat for my doss.”
• Down with it (adj.): through with it.
• Drape (n.): suit of clothes, dress, costume.
• Dreamers (n.): bed covers, blankets.
• Dry-goods (n.): same as drape.
• Duke (n.): hand, mitt.
• Dutchess (n.): girl.

E

• Early black (n.): evening
• Early bright (n.): morning.
• Evil (adj.): in ill humor, in a nasty temper.

F

• Fall out (v.): to be overcome with emotion. Ex., “The cats fell out when he took that solo.”
• Fews and two (n.): money or cash in small quantity.
• Final (v.): to leave, to go home. Ex., “I finaled to my pad” (went to bed); “We copped a final” (went home).
• Fine dinner (n.): a good-looking girl.
• Focus (v.): to look, to see.
• Foxy (v.): shrewd.
• Frame (n.): the body.
• Fraughty issue (n.): a very sad message, a deplorable state of affairs.
• Freeby (n.): no charge, gratis. Ex., “The meal was a freeby.”
• Frisking the whiskers (v.): what the cats do when they are warming up for a swing session.
• Frolic pad (n.): place of entertainment, theater, nightclub.
• Fromby (adj.): a frompy queen is a battle or faust.
• Front (n.): a suit of clothes.
• Fruiting (v.): fickle, fooling around with no particular object.
• Fry (v.): to go to get hair straightened.

G

• Gabriels (n.): trumpet players.
• Gammin’ (adj.): showing off, flirtatious.
• Gasser (n, adj.): sensational. Ex., “When it comes to dancing, she’s a gasser.”
• Gate (n.): a male person (a salutation), abbr. for “gate-mouth.”
• Get in there (exclamation.): go to work, get busy, make it hot, give all you’ve got.
• Gimme some skin (v.): shake hands.
• Glims (n.): the eyes.
• Got your boots on: you know what it is all about, you are a hep cat, you are wise.
• Got your glasses on: you are ritzy or snooty, you fail to recognize your friends, you are up-stage.
• Gravy (n.): profits.
• Grease (v.): to eat.
• Groovy (adj.): fine. Ex., “I feel groovy.”
• Ground grippers (n.): new shoes.
• Growl (n.): vibrant notes from a trumpet.
• Gut-bucket (adj.): low-down music.
• Guzzlin’ foam (v.): drinking beer.

H

• Hard (adj.): fine, good. Ex., “That’s a hard tie you’re wearing.”
• Hard spiel (n.): interesting line of talk.
• Have a ball (v.): to enjoy yourself, stage a celebration. Ex., “I had myself a ball last night.”
• Hep cat (n.): a guy who knows all the answers, understands jive.
• Hide-beater (n.): a drummer (see skin-beater).
• Hincty (adj.): conceited, snooty.
• Hip (adj.): wise, sophisticated, anyone with boots on. Ex., “She’s a hip chick.”
• Home-cooking (n.): something very dinner (see fine dinner).
• Hot (adj.): musically torrid; before swing, tunes were hot or bands were hot.
• Hype (n, v.): build up for a loan, wooing a girl, persuasive talk.

I

• Icky (n.): one who is not hip, a stupid person, can’t collar the jive.
• Igg (v.): to ignore someone. Ex., “Don’t igg me!)
• In the groove (adj.): perfect, no deviation, down the alley.

J

• Jack (n.): name for all male friends (see gate; pops).
• Jam ((1)n, (2)v.): (1) improvised swing music. Ex., “That’s swell jam.” (2) to play such music. Ex., “That cat surely can jam.”
• Jeff (n.): a pest, a bore, an icky.
• Jelly (n.): anything free, on the house.
• Jitterbug (n.): a swing fan.
• Jive (n.): Harlemese speech.
• Joint is jumping: the place is lively, the club is leaping with fun.
• Jumped in port (v.): arrived in town.

K

• Kick (n.): a pocket. Ex., “I’ve got five bucks in my kick.”
• Kill me (v.): show me a good time, send me.
• Killer-diller (n.): a great thrill.
• Knock (v.): give. Ex., “Knock me a kiss.”
• Kopasetic (adj.): absolutely okay, the tops.

L

• Lamp (v.): to see, to look at.
• Land o’darkness (n.): Harlem.
• Lane (n.): a male, usually a nonprofessional.
• Latch on (v.): grab, take hold, get wise to.
• Lay some iron (v.): to tap dance. Ex., “Jack, you really laid some iron that last show!”
• Lay your racket (v.): to jive, to sell an idea, to promote a proposition.
• Lead sheet (n.): a topcoat.
• Left raise (n.): left side. Ex., “Dig the chick on your left raise.”
• Licking the chops (v.): see frisking the whiskers.
• Licks (n.): hot musical phrases.
• Lily whites (n.): bed sheets.
• Line (n.): cost, price, money. Ex., “What is the line on this drape” (how much does this suit cost)? “Have you got the line in the mouse” (do you have the cash in your pocket)? Also, in replying, all figures are doubled. Ex., “This drape is line forty” (this suit costs twenty dollars).
• Lock up: to acquire something exclusively. Ex., “He’s got that chick locked up”; “I’m gonna lock up that deal.”

M

• Main kick (n.): the stage.
• Main on the hitch (n.): husband.
• Main queen (n.): favorite girl friend, sweetheart.
• Man in gray (n.): the postman.
• Mash me a fin (command.): Give me $5.
• Mellow (adj.): all right, fine. Ex., “That’s mellow, Jack.”
• Melted out (adj.): broke.
• Mess (n.): something good. Ex., “That last drink was a mess.”
• Meter (n.): quarter, twenty-five cents.
• Mezz (n.): anything supreme, genuine. Ex., “this is really the mezz.”
• Mitt pounding (n.): applause.
• Moo juice (n.): milk.
• Mouse (n.): pocket. Ex., “I’ve got a meter in the mouse.”
• Muggin’ (v.): making ’em laugh, putting on the jive. “Muggin’ lightly,” light staccato swing; “muggin’ heavy,” heavy staccato swing.
• Murder (n.): something excellent or terrific. Ex., “That’s solid murder, gate!”

N

• Neigho, pops: Nothing doing, pal.
• Nicklette (n.): automatic phonograph, music box.
• Nickel note (n.): five-dollar bill.
• Nix out (v.): to eliminate, get rid of. Ex., “I nixed that chick out last week”; “I nixed my garments” (undressed).
• Nod (n.): sleep. Ex., “I think I’l cop a nod.”

O

• Ofay (n.): white person.
• Off the cob (adj.): corny, out of date.
• Off-time jive (n.): a sorry excuse, saying the wrong thing.
• Orchestration (n.): an overcoat.
• Out of the world (adj.): perfect rendition. Ex., “That sax chorus was out of the world.”
• Ow!: an exclamation with varied meaning. When a beautiful chick passes by, it’s “Ow!”; and when someone pulls an awful pun, it’s also “Ow!”

P

• Pad (n.): bed.
• Pecking (n.): a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1937.
• Peola (n.): a light person, almost white.
• Pigeon (n.): a young girl.
• Pops (n.): salutation for all males (see gate; Jack).
• Pounders (n.): policemen.

Q

• Queen (n.): a beautiful girl.

R

• Rank (v.): to lower.
• Ready (adj.): 100 per cent in every way. Ex., “That fried chicken was ready.”
• Ride (v.): to swing, to keep perfect tempo in playing or singing.
• Riff (n.): hot lick, musical phrase.
• Righteous (adj.): splendid, okay. Ex., “That was a righteous queen I dug you with last black.”
• Rock me (v.): send me, kill me, move me with rhythm.
• Ruff (n.): quarter, twenty-five cents.
• Rug cutter (n.): a very good dancer, an active jitterbug.

S

• Sad (adj.): very bad. Ex., “That was the saddest meal I ever collared.”
• Sadder than a map (adj.): terrible. Ex., “That man is sadder than a map.”
• Salty (adj.): angry, ill-tempered.
• Sam got you: you’ve been drafted into the army.
• Send (v.): to arouse the emotions. (joyful). Ex., “That sends me!”
• Set of seven brights (n.): one week.
• Sharp (adj.): neat, smart, tricky. Ex., “That hat is sharp as a tack.”
• Signify (v.): to declare yourself, to brag, to boast.
• Skins (n.): drums.
• Skin-beater (n.): drummer (see hide-beater).
• Sky piece (n.): hat.
• Slave (v.): to work, whether arduous labor or not.
• Slide your jib (v.): to talk freely.
• Snatcher (n.): detective.
• So help me: it’s the truth, that’s a fact.
• Solid (adj.): great, swell, okay.
• Sounded off (v.): began a program or conversation.
• Spoutin’ (v.): talking too much.
• Square (n.): an unhep person (see icky; Jeff).
• Stache (v.): to file, to hide away, to secrete.
• Stand one up (v.): to play one cheap, to assume one is a cut-rate.
• To be stashed (v.): to stand or remain.
• Susie-Q (n.): a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1936.

T

• Take it slow (v.): be careful.
• Take off (v.): play a solo.
• The man (n.): the law.
• Threads (n.): suit, dress or costume (see drape; dry-goods).
• Tick (n.): minute, moment. Ex., “I’ll dig you in a few ticks.” Also, ticks are doubled in accounting time, just as money is doubled in giving “line.” Ex., “I finaled to the pad this early bright at tick twenty” (I got to bed this morning at ten o’clock).
• Timber (n.): toothpick.
• To dribble (v.): to stutter. Ex., “He talked in dribbles.”
• Togged to the bricks: dressed to kill, from head to toe.
• Too much (adj.): term of highest praise. Ex., “You are too much!”
• Trickeration (n.): struttin’ your stuff, muggin’ lightly and politely.
• Trilly (v.): to leave, to depart. Ex., “Well, I guess I’ll trilly.”
• Truck (v.): to go somewhere. Ex., “I think I’ll truck on down to the ginmill (bar).”
• Trucking (n.): a dance introduced at the Cotton Club in 1933.
• Twister to the slammer (n.): the key to the door.
• Two cents (n.): two dollars.

U

• Unhep (adj.): not wise to the jive, said of an icky, a Jeff, a square.

V

• Vine (n.): a suit of clothes.
• V-8 (n.): a chick who spurns company, is independent, is not amenable.

W

• What’s your story?: What do you want? What have you got to say for yourself? How are tricks? What excuse can you offer? Ex., “I don’t know what his story is.”
• Whipped up (adj.): worn out, exhausted, beat for your everything.
• Wren (n.): a chick, a queen.
• Wrong riff: the wrong thing said or done. Ex., “You’re coming up on the wrong riff.”

Y

• Yarddog (n.): uncouth, badly attired, unattractive male or female.
• Yeah, man: an exclamation of assent.

Z

• Zoot (adj.): exaggerated
• Zoot suit (n.): the ultimate in clothes. The only totally and truly American civilian suit.

Verbal Intercourse

It is another one of those idiosyncracies of the British way of life.

In the late 1960's, at a time when homosexuality was criminalised and not even the great and the good could escape the public scandalmongers if there was even the faintest whiff of an inappropriate liaison the most popular media characters were a very openly gay, camp and risque pair who attracted around 8 million radio listeners and all of that, Heaven forbid, on a Sunday.

The introduction of the characters played by Hugh Paddick and Kenneth Williams summed it all up; "Hello, I'm Julian and this is my friend Sandy".

A brainchild of writers Barry Took and the googley eyed Marty Feldman the couple made their first scripted appearance as out of work and down at heel actors who were forced to take menial tasks and jobs to make ends meet.

This characterisation was soon rejected by the editor of the recipient Hit radio show, "Round the Horne" and its main protagonist, Kenneth Horne in favour of a couple of outrageous chorus boys who soon became established as the nations' favourites.

The comic genius of Paddick and Williams was the perfect challenge for the straight man role played by Horne and the Julian and Sandy featurette in the sunday broadcasts was a highlight throughout the long running series.

This saw various business activities and enterprises being attempted with naffness and cheery incompetence centred on Kenneth Horne ranging from dating agency to private detectives, travel agents and theatrical entrepreneurs.

What seems to have appealed to the British public was the safe and unthreatening manner of a lifestyle sector otherwise so villified and feared. The whole seedy portrayal of gay activity and apparent promiscuity was shrouded in mystery only serving to fuel public opinion.

Homosexuality was unimportant in the context of Julian and Sandy even though their language, packed with double entendres and camp, effete delivery was outrageous in the extreme.

The dramatic scenes were often manic with Julian being constantly badgered by Sandy into confessions as a very effective comic tool. The British seem to love innuendo and this was a main strand in the dialogue.

Kenneth Williams excelled in his high pitched voice and very dramatic performances in contrast to the rather dour and downtrodden Paddick.

The shows also saw the use of the slang language of Polari.

This is thought to have started amongst the travelling circuses and theatres in Europe before being adopted by, amongst others, the Gay Community as a form of secret communication to convey intentions and opinions whilst not drawing attention to excite persecution or legal sanction.

Key words appearing in the RTH scripts included "bona" for good, "varda", look, "dolly" pretty and "eke" face put to most effective use in a typical welcome "Bona to varda your dolly old eke". "Omi" referred to a man, "Palone" for woman and "Omie Palone"for effiminate man or homosexual.

The contribution through their acceptance in popular culture of Julian and Sandy did bring about a change in public attitudes and is widely regarded as having been a main catalyst to the decriminalisation of homosexuality in 1967.

In 1968 Round the Horne ended with the untimely death of Kenneth Horne but Julian and Sandy kept going for a few years, culminating in the last ever performance for a charity show in 1987 shortly before Williams' death.

Sit, Beg, Rollover.

It was the place to be on New Years Day 2018. 

I am talking about Fraisthorpe Beach, East Yorkshire. 

I have been going there regularly since my schooldays in the late 1970’s. In those early years it was for teenage parties, referred to for the benefit of our parents as a "social evening and barbecue" but invariably ending up a as an alcohol fuelled rave and fumble. 

There was always the popular game of trying to spot a Naturist making their way southwards along the sands towards the designated nudist area. I seem to recall they were generally of a senior age, tanned, sprightly and with a mischievous glint in their eyes. 

Being at Fraisthorpe felt, to me, like being at the very edge of the known world. 

It was a bit remote, a bit of a trek down a country lane to get there and then nothing but the sea, sand and sky. 

Of course, if you just glanced to your left, when facing the expanse of the North Sea, there were the twinkling lights of the resort town of Bridlington not far away and, if a bit murky farther out past the chalk headland of Flamborough you could get a strafing effect from the lighthouse. 

The only buildings beyond the inland cluster of the village giving its name to the Beach belonged to a bit of an untidy, sprawling farmstead. It must have been a hard life squeezing an income out of a few bits of pasture and arable land which terminated at the low cliff top. A wooden hut marked the entrance to an informal parking area and if the landowners could be at all bothered to attend there could be a few pence to be had from those making what had to be an intentional, rather than an accidental visit. 

Dotted along the shoreline were the concrete structures of pill boxes and tank traps as surviving features of coastal defences against possible wartime invasion. These were in a sorry state as although almost indestructible in a mass density of reinforced concrete  they had, in the proceeding decades just rolled off the boulder clay of the cliffs and become deposited in a haphazard manner on the beach itself. 

The line of cliffs are some of the fastest eroding in Europe and even on a fleeting trip out for a bracing walk it is common to experience the sights and sounds of a fall of a section of layered turf, soil and dark, rich clay from saturation with ground water. 

Yesterday, the 1^st day of 2018 was bright, dry and with a light breeze. 

The lane to Fraisthorpe Beach was packed with traffic as families had simultaneously elected that this would be the venue for a blow-out after a long seasonal binge. 

The old farm buildings from my youth are now a trendy coffee shop and there is even a toilet block as an unprecedented level of amenity. Vehicles were double-double parked on the muddy field edge above the short drop to the sands but well disciplined. That wooden hut was still shuttered up although with signage on a narrow slit of an honesty box requesting a minimum donation. I did not see anyone making the short detour either coming from or going to their cars to make a contribution. Perhaps the coffee shop was enough of a goldmine to make the collection of loose change unviable. 

At midday the beach was crowded. 

In fact, it could as well have been a summers day apart from the absence of any visible flesh other than cold-reddened facial features beyond wrappings of winter coats, scarves, bobble hats and boots. 

The other big difference from the peak season was the extraordinary number of dogs. 

The ban on using the beach did not kick in until at least Easter and so all of the family, canine (s) included could venture out together. 

The range of breeds was astounding from the tiniest of miniatures, typically being carried on the arm of a fussy owner, to the gangling, ungainly oversized Great Danes and more exotic Huskies and Akita’s. In between there was a good number of terriers from Borders to Jack Russells, a few of those cross bred types with rude sounding made up names, plenty of Labradors, Pointers and Collies and an encouraging representation of Alsatians and Setters who, to me in recent  times, seem to have become rather rare sights. 

Remarkably the hordes of dogs, most of them running loose, behaved impeccably towards each other even when taking away anothers' favourite tennis ball or seeking attention from anyone. The canine population there present were enjoying every moment unlike many of their owners who seemed to have a permanent scowl, no doubt a bit of a hangover and a desire to get back to the television and to finish off the seasonal treats still in the house. 

I did get the impression of a bit of one-upmanship amongst the dog owners as they subconsciously scored or deducted points for pedigree of breed, discipline and control off the lead, cuteness of character, stylishness of any dog attire or grooming and fashionableness of name. From the shouting out of instructions I can well imagine that naming your dog could be as difficult, if not more so, as naming a child. 

The sheer abandonment and joy of an unleashed dog on the wide expanse of a safe space is a joy to behold. 

We walked about a mile southwards along the Beach. It was like an informal motorway of passing human and canine traffic.

I tend to attract the interest of dogs or at least they sense that I am a bit if a push-over and my ambling was continually interrupted by an obstructive but happy hound either catching a sniff of me or leaving a sandy paw print on the lower reaches of my jacket. 

When it was time to make the return journey back to the cliff top car park I sensed an even more concentrated volume of four legged animals. 

This confused me for a few moments until I realised that it was not an optical illusion, tunnel vision or an ailment picked up from ingestion of dog spittle but down to the simple fact that the beach was being squeezed to a narrowing strip as the tide came in. 

It was a good afternoon. 

In fact, I had been so engrossed in the Crufts-like surroundings that I will easily have missed spotting any nudists making their way for an invigorating just above freezing session as a perfect way to start off their own 

2018. 

Life's too short

The New Year.

I always start out with the best of intentions.

I usually have a few Resolutions which involve a pledge to give up chocolate, take more exercise, read more books and learn something new like a language or a skill with bricklaying being a particular favourite. Within a couple of days, whilst wistfully eating my way through the leftovers of a Cadbury selection box, lounging about on the settee, shunning the activity of turning a page, not even being lucid enough to put together a meaningful sentence to anyone and looking out of the window at that tumbled down wall , I realise that I have failed miserably, well not even miserably because that implies that I had some attempt to uphold my promises in the first place.

The start of a New Year also brings about a frame of mind and opportunity to review your life and hopefully put into practice those lessons learned from hard knocks and bitter experiences that have loomed up in life's broad pageant to date.

This year of 2018 will mark my 55th birthday, yes, that's right, it is the new 35, and what an opportunity to combine this momentus landmark with something magnanimous.

To this end I am thinking about handing out forgiveness, for what I have long since regarded as misdemeanours against me, to the perpetrators whether they have been individuals, groups, companies or the world at large.

Life is far too short to carry around thoughts of retribution for petty issues and my sanity, blood pressure and overall stress levels would benefit significantly from letting these things just evaporate in an all enveloping sense of forgiveness.

In thinking through this intention I have realised how much it is in my nature to hold a grudge on the most silly and stupid things which could, in the most part, not even be seen as a transgression or even a minor personal slight.

On a year to year basis however the magnitude of these issues has grown out of all proportion and that I have just come to appreciate this , only now, is a very sorry state of affairs indeed. I may actually have shortened my life expectancy by carrying around these poisoned and festering thoughts of absolutely no consequence whatsoever in the greater scheme of things.

I have attempted to place this roster of forgiveness in some sort of ascending date order;

Whoever burnt down the Co-Operative Store in Abingdon, Bucks in 1968. It was our local shop and sold the best 'pick and mix' in my world as at 5 years old.

Class 2d at Westgarth County Primary, Bury St Edmunds for protecting the identity of someone who walked off with my collection, my prized collection of Dinky, Matchbox and Hotwheels cars on the occasion of a 'bring yours toys to school day' in or around 1971.

My Gran, for her thinking but not actually saying that I killed her Jack Russell dog in revenge for her seeing off my pet cat. I was not to know that the building site where I took Ruff for a walk on that fateful day in 1975 was covered with rat poison.

The Corporate Banking Department at Lloyds Bank for their terrible attitude to, and treatment of my Father in or around 1978. He was a Good Person and Bank Manager in that order.

Paul Weller, Rick Buckler and Bruce Foxton, collectively The Jam, for their denial in 1980 of being Mods when that was the last thing that faithful fans and followers wanted to hear especially after buying all their records and wearing their Dad's suit and winkle picker shoes to local disco's.

A group of youths in Fallowfield, Manchester who in 1981 gave me my first sensation of a punch in the face when I refused them a handful of chips in the street.

Three girlfriends who over the period of 1981 to 1985 dumped me which can be a devastating feeling to a young lad.

Leeds United. No explanation required for anyone who likes and appreciates football as a beautiful game.

Ford Motor Company. Producers of my first company car, a 1.6 Diesel Fiesta, in which I scared myself when it failed to reach 50mph in third gear in attempting to overtake a slow moving lorry on the by-pass in 1986.

Sardines, fresh ones on which I blame my appendicitus at the age of 46.

The percentage of the UK population who voted to leave the EU*

Forgiven and forgotten. I feel better already

*still watching this one.Life's