Knit Wits

I have reached that certain age when I get a bit nervous and jumpy in the street.

I don't really know why because I have a bit of middle age presence (tactful term for body shape) and when approached by other persons on a footpath or walkway I would not, at face value and in my opinion represent an easy target for the attentions of perpetrators, malcontents, ne'er do wells, pickpockets, footpads and vagabonds.

Putting myself in the position of my erstwhile and imaginary assailants and whatever their circumstances to resort to such a drastic action I may in fact fit the profile of an easy "mark" as is my understanding of the word.

The perception of crime is very much a buzz word amongst politicians, the law authorities and the public at large even though we may live in what can be regarded as comparatively safe and stable neighbourhoods. The fear of crime is however a powerful subject for winning votes and selling security products and as such can tend to be exploited and exaggerated out of all reasonable proportion.

I do, I admit, spend a fair proportion of time in the backways, ten foots* and alleyways of my home City as these are good vantage points for my daily work of inspecting the parts of buildings that other positions cannot satisfy. I can testify to a considerable amount of graffiti, broken bottles, discarded beer cans, syringes and McDonalds wrappers amongst other debris and detritus of a modern urban and suburban lifestyle in the UK. I was in a small way rather pleased to see similar signs of decay and dereliction in a recent trip to Germany, unless of course an indication of fallout from a typical visit by British tourists to a previously unblemished environment.

I was therefore a bit perturbed and anxious to hear of a new thread of illegality in our townscapes, specifically the Guerilla Knitters.

These are a mixture of individual citizens and artists who descend on population centres and leave, anonymously or not, a display, a shameful display of knitted parapehenalia. This can be the sheathing of a lamp post in a woolly sock type creation, the wrapping around of a telephone box, contortions of colourful strands around railings and handrails, the complete covering of a bicycle or larger multi-participant installations on a theme or to celebrate or commemorate specific occasions and events.

The practice is understood to have started in Holland in 2004 and rapidly spread around the globe. In London the "Knit the City" organisation have been active and a few mavericks have achieved almost cult status under names such as Deadly Knitshade and the Ninja Knitters. From Derby to Saltburn by Sea, Carshalton to Stone there have been displays of very proficient and imaginative knitting often manifesting overnight and by balaclava clad shadows but wearing sensible shoes, appropriate all weather gear and with a flask of healthy green tea or drinking chocolate. Their accomplices or getaway drivers have been more often than not described as late middle aged men in beige coloured cars smoking a pipe and reading a copy of the Daily Mail with a handy torch.

One particular activist in the sleepy market town of Chipping Norton is quite prolific under the aggressive name of The Yarn Bomber. She has been particularly controversial and increasingly adventurous in her projects and there have been fears of finding her fallen, one morning with a broken hip or brittle bones, and impaled on a size 18 knitting needle. Elusive may well be her middle name, or Elspeth, Elsie or Edith based on her criminal profile.

There has been an upsurge in knitting in recent years with considerable interest from the younger generation and students. The attractions are manifold from creating a useful and practical piece of clothing although not necessarily at lower cost than an equivalent shop bought item, often taking place as sociable sessions in groups and with a bit of ethical and ecological value.

However, I am concerned that innocently gathered knitting groups may become a place for the recruiting of Guerilla's by fanatics and extremists intent on wreaking havoc in our towns and cities. We will have to be vigilant to protect our young people because they may be prey to a good yarn and have the wool pulled over their impressionable eyes.



*ten foot. a vehicle roadway behind terraced housing and appearing to be a peculiarity to the city of Hull. Also known in other parts of the UK as a ginnel or service road if very posh.