Monday 4 March 2019

Almost Three Quarters There.

This year I have reached the heady heights of being 71% a Northerner. 

Of course, those who can truly claim to being Northerners will not accept anything less than 100% but I would like to think that this level of attainment does give me some sort of honorary status. 

I have, after all, married a Yorkshire Lass. 

Two of my three children were born in God's Own Country and the other was only just outside of the geographical cut off point save for a mile or so of so called southern countryside. 

My definition of what constitutes the North, in my percentage based claim, is that bit that sits above the deep incision into the eastern side of England of the mighty River Humber Estuary. 

This is obviously open to huge debate as The North to those unfortunate enough to live in London usually refers to beyond Watford and many residents of the Midlands may also regard themselves as being so affiliated out of sheer preference. 

The 29% of my life which took place before 1979 was technically Southern although if you dissect it further it doesn't really count. 

I was born in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire and in my very early years my family moved to Abingdon in Oxfordshire. 

I have my earliest childhood memories from that time such as walking over a bridge above a terrifying weir on the River Thames and seeing the Easter tradition of Hot Cross Buns being thrown from a Town Hall or something like that. 

First schooling was then in Suffolk in the town of Bury St Edmunds followed by a flit in a northerly direction in the early 1970's to North Lincolnshire although I will, to avoid confusion, just call it Lincolnshire. 

Up until 1979 I was more like a Southerner. 

I have the utmost gratitude to my Parents, therefore, in their subsequent decision to make the fateful crossing of that natural feature of the Humber for me to begin my initiation as a Northerner. 

Purists will naturally draw attention to the fact that the only way to get across the Humber in those days was by a Paddle Steamer Ferry Service but we didn't take that with our small convoy of two cars and a caravan in addition to the Removals Company pantechnicon rather we headed west, up a bit and then took a turn to the right into East Yorkshire. 

That series of manoeuvres  began my long process of naturalisation in the North.

My wife would even now say that I am still on probation pending further  processing as I still retain a neutral accent and have not lost the pronunciation of certain words which have the long "aaarrr" sound such as baaarrth, graaass and daaarft. That could cause me, as she constantly reminds me, to fail the practical language test. 

In my defence I am the first to deride softy Southerners and their obsessions with materialistic and property based values. 

My two brothers live, and have done so for years now, in  London and the Home Counties respectively although they are, I am convinced, under deep cover and taking detailed notes in the readiness for when they make the dash up North. 

I am not completely in denial of my place of origin again out of deep respect for my Parents who grew up in Croydon and Dunstable. In those days before increased mobility of labour or out of necessity, you very rarely  wandered out of longstanding and familiar territory. 

My having a flat, featureless and very boring accent but being able to give a good impression of Northerness does give a great ability to blend into just about every situation and mix of people. 

"Now then" has served me very well as an opening to a conversation or to put those I meet with at ease regardless of their own geographical identity. 

So what do I intend to do to celebrate my 71% achievement of being a Northerner. 

I have nowt planned. That sounds reet good and our Lass would probably agree with me.

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