Just the Ticket

This is a wonderful short sketch from the Goon Show Episode "The Silent Bugler" which was first broadcast on 15th March 1954.

Milligan                    Sellers                Secombe

It features Harry Secombe as the train traveller being confronted by an officious character played by Peter Sellers. The madcap humour of the third member of The Goons and principal contributor, Spike Milligan carries the conversation beautifully.

Scene; The Train to London

All Tickets Please

Tickets, oh, ha, ha, ha, oh yes

Here, these are just platform tickets

That's right. I always travel by platform.

Come on now mate, come on now matey. Where's your ticket now?

Oh, just joking. There we are.

Here, wait a minute. These tickets are from Piccadilly to Hyde Park

Yes, I know. It's a very easy journey. I often make it.

Here my good man. Don't mess me about here.

Ha, ha. It's an old Welsh joke. Now there, my ticket.

Hey, this here ticket was issued in 1902

Really. gads, we're running late

And its for the Brighton to London Stagecoach

Well?

Well, this ain't no stagecoach mate

What? You mean this train isn't horse drawn?

No

I want my money back you charlatan

Wait a minute. You can't fool me with your clever talk, mate, You gotta pay for the ticket. Now, where did you get on?

Curses, The games up. Well,now um, what was that last station?

Fun Junction

That's where I got on.

But we didn't stop there

You think it was easy?

Where are you going to?

To the next station

That'll be 18 shillings and thruppence

Right here we are.....................(aside) Fool, ha, ha. Little does he know that the real fare is not 18 shillings and thruppence but Thirty Two Pounds and sixpence.

(somewhere within earshot)

Little does he know that I have nothing to do with the railway at all.