Hip Hip Hurrey

I am just starting to read the wonderful selection of books that I received as Christmas Gifts.

The dark, cold depressing evenings of January are the ideal setting to curl up with a bit of fiction, fact or just plain nonsense and to pass the time before sleep takes over.

One very interesting publication was provided by my youngest brother along with an annual subscription to a magazine offering intelligent and measured views and opinions on the beautiful game- Association Football.

The book as part of the generous present is "Football Cliches" by Adam Hurrey,  writer and contributor to blogs and articles about the sport.

One superb chapter is a collection of 101 descriptive terms around the scoring of a goal........ or not.

I have shamelessly reproduced these as a basic list as many do not require any explanation whatsoever, so well are they known from being commonly heard during any broadcasted football match or overheard by pundits and supporters in everyday analysis and conversation in the pub or by the water cooler.

I am sure that you will have your own favourites which may not appear even in Hurrey's very comprehensive terminological study. Here goes;

Fired
Drilled
Rifled
Thundered
Hammered
Powered
Slammed
Rammed
Blasted
Exocet
Howitzer
Driven
Arrowed
Thumped
Lashed
Smashed
Belted
Crashing header
Towering header
Nodded
Glancing header
Bullet header
Stooping header
Diving header
Guided
With aplomb
Impudent chip
Audacious lob
Flicked
Backheeled
Dinked
Passed
Caressed
Slotted
Steered
Curled
Swept
Turned in
Stabbed
Prodded
Poked
Stroked
In off the backside
Deflected
Own goal
Scrambled
Bundled
Plundered
Notched
Netted
Bagged
Tapped
Converted
Dispatched
Buried
Squeezed
Slid
Floated
Sailed
Screamer
Hooked
Acrobatic volley
Dipping volley
Flying volley
Clipped
Trickled
The slightest of touches
Tucked
Clinical finish
Walking it in
Cross-cum-shot
Rolled into an empty net
Sucked the ball in
Blazed
Skied
Spooned
Ballooned
Screwed
Sliced
Dragged
Crashed against the woodwork
Cannoned
The ball is in the net
If anything almost hit too well
Fluffed his lines
Squandered
Wasted
Denied by the woodwork
When it seemed easier to score
My grandmother could have scored that
Sitter
Saw the headlines
Wild
Erratic
Snatched at it
Caught in two minds
Went for power over placement
Gilt edged
Tame effort
Scuffed
Air shot

I have thought of toe poked, saw the net bulge before the ball was kicked, fluked it, pile-driver, hit a divot, wicked bounce, over-played it, hit it into row F, its's gone into the car park, that's gone into orbit alright, slam-dunk, off the bar, off the post, on the roof of the net.................................