Bark at the Moon

I do not hold by astrology but at the full moon I feel most vulnerable, hounded by negativity and on the edge of lunacy.

I feel like just hiding away indoors out of the maddening rays unless of course it is cloudy and no one actually mentions what phase the moon has reached. At other times moonlight is soothing and reassuring or a reminder of the interaction of nature whether a huge oversized and orange harvest moon, frost hazed winter moon or blood red from the atmospheric infusion of dust and pollutants.

I have followed the prospect of a lunar eclipse when it is viewable from our area and once cycled with my sisters some considerable miles to peer through a home made pin hole eclipse device, commonly known as a shoe box, whilst stood outside and to the bemusement of patrons of a village pub. Even the merest sliver of a new moon can be dramatic. Just last week the slim crescent was closely accompanied by a twinkling low earth orbit satellite or the International Space Station, majestic in a clear early spring night.  I do tend to churn around loose change in my pockets at a new moon under the old wives tale that your money will double. That has never to my knowledge actually happened.


At the time of the NASA Missions to the moon I admit to trying, with the naked eye and from the top of our garden climbing frame, to see if I could spot anything faintly rockety or astronauty on the glowing face of those magically named seas and mountains. To a 6 year, old even the silhouette of a high flying night bird across the silver face of the moon was accepted to be Armstrong, Aldrin and the other one coursing about in Apollo 11. I was later wracked with anxiety when the moon blasted out of earth orbit as a consequence of exploding deposits of stored nuclear waste. That turned out to be a TV series. Damn you Gerry Anderson.

To my utter dismay I have just been reading about the sale of land on the moon which has been going on since 1980.

For a price of £20 sterling it is possible to purchase, from the Lunar Embassy in the United States or their UK licensee, Moon Estates a patch of lunar real estate extending to 1 acre somewhere in the region of Oceanus Procellarum which can be pointed out as being just to the north west corner of the bit that faces Earth. Parting with £20 is not too severe and in terms of expenditure on a gift or a gesture it is quite reasonable. Some 6 million people, if rationing themselves to a single acre, have subscribed to the service qualifying for a fancy certificate or title deed. The novelty value is undoubted, not as good however as having a star named after you and certainly much more selfish than purchasing a goat, fishing rod or a pack of seeds.

Unfortunately, a few have viewed the acquisition of a plot on the moon with more avariscious intentions for a long term investment. The entrepreneur behind the whole operation attests to having researched the validity of ownership even when such legislation as the United Nations Outer Space Treaty of 1967 does not recognise any claim of sovereignty by use, occupation or by any other means. The loophole, because there is always a loophole, is that the Treaty does not refer specifically to individuals and consequently a business selling a dusty and rocky surface to Joe and Josephine public in our galaxy but still far, far away was born.

The fact that public access to visit and put an overlap fence,decking with bamboo screen or Yorkstone wall around what is owned is not available currently has led to some relaxation of sanctions by the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA) who do admit that they have no compulsion to take such things seriously. I have sent off for an application form for any post going in that particular department. It may not be too much of a small step for the likes of Richard Branson to extend his space dreams to a moon landing and to claim virgin land and all the cross-selling potential that goes with that.

The Lunar Embassy Director claims to have a well advanced research programme to transport his clients to their land holdings in a leisurely and comfortable 30 minutes under an anti gravitic propulsion system attaining speeds of 99% of the speed of light. All very well but what happens to golf clubs and sun shade umbrellas under such conditions.

After plundering the depleted reserves on, under and within our own planet the moon would logically be the next target for exploitation. I have serious concerns for the welfare of The Clangers and the Soup Dragon if not already guilty of squatting on someones property already. The entrepreneur may well just leave them to whistle in the solar winds. It may not be too long before we receive photographs of friends and relatives standing in their alloted plots, proud and possessive. If they ask what I would like for a souvenir of their trip I will probably just opt for some of that famous cheese.