Monday 17 June 2013

U for Rick

It is not really necessary to explain the origins of the Cockney breed because of their worldwide coverage through stereotypical caricatures of any English person in film, TV and the media.

Dick Van Dyke in his appearance in Mary Poppins seems to have cornered the market in the depiction of someone a) British, b) from London c) working class in the eyes of, in particular Hollywood and every US broadcast subsequently.

Perhaps it did take the likes of Hugh Grant and a few plummy accented unknown UK actors in american sit coms and dramas to perpetuate the equivalent of someone a)British, b) from London and c) other than working class.

Cockney rhyming slang is similarly part and parcel of the English culture and still reguarly features in everyday dialogues or to further confuse foreigners about the British Class System and hierarchy.

One excellent example of Cockney humour is the Cockney Alphabet, also for some reason called the Surrealist Alphabet. This relies on the accent and pronunciation for the actual letters followed by a humourus phrase, joke or witticism.

This use of language, slang and innuendo is deep rooted in as long as the Cockney's have existed but it was its development as a comic mechanism in music hall, review and popular theatre that brought it to the masses.

A recorded version in 1930 by performing artistes Clapham and Dyer remains the classic version although there are as many options per letter as the alphabet itself is long.

It is only really necessary to illustrate this by sampling any three of the twenty six in total. The tone is set by " A for 'orses", "B for mutton" and "X for breakfast".

I have had some thoughts on updating the alphabet and adjusting it to reflect the resurgence of a middle and upper class in this country. In doing so I make the humblest of apologies to Cockneys and the working class.

A for Gymkhana Pony

B for Quorn as a valid choice for a gastro pub lunch

C for sailing the yacht on

D for restation and how everyone should do their bit for the environment to prevent it

E for Gstaad or Klosters this year depending on the availability of chalet staff

F for t'num and Masons

G for landing a good job is the Old Boy Network

H for getting access to the Trust Fund should be reduced to 18

I for a place on the Board of a City Merchant Bank

J for caused by wearing tight Pineapple sweat pants with personal trainer

K for 'teria serving organic full English for £32.50 on Kensington High Street

L for looking after the children between boarding school terms must be Swedish

M for size the need for a large 4x4 in Chelsea as not being anti social

N for gettable Cold Play Concert at the summer festival, ok yah

O for seas holidays at least six times a year

P for reference for Rolex over other luxury timepieces

Q for Glyndebourne, no way. Friends of the main sponsor.

S for the losses of being a Lloyds Insurance name

T for the Dean of an Oxbridge College if offspring too dense to pass entrance exam

U for Member of Parliament if being a Barrister does not pan out

V for La France and a nice gite in the Dordogne

W for, an up and coming London housing district

X for, nice compact, sporty BMW

Y for her dowry and inherited family seat even if pug ugly and inbred

Z for an idea for a new complex hedge fund or financial money making scam

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