Atlantis for £12.99

There are always a few souls who move house with the express intention of being in the new place just in time for Christmas.

This is either an indication of supreme confidence in the housing market or plain foolhardiness. If everything goes well, then it can be an experience of enhanced excitement combining the best elements of the festive season and all in new and unfamiliar surroundings, perhaps seeming like a holiday rather than a house move.

Conversely, imagine the stress and heartache if things do not come together and it is a case of sitting amongst boxes, half packed and unsure about whether to put up the tree(if it can be found in the Christmas Things box).

This latter scenario assumes that your move has been held up and you can stay put rather than having to leave and stay with relatives, in a hotel or take a cottage at a greatly inflated seasonal rate.

We moved our two goldfish over the Christmas period, very much on an impulse having seen a nice tank with pump and filter in the sale in one of the large warehouse type discount outlets so characteristic of retail parks on the edge of most UK cities.

The fish were not our choice of domestic pet.

One of our family friends, an Iranian was to introduce us to the Noorooz or Spring Equinox celebration which included in its symbolic table dressing a goldfish to represent new life.

I volunteered to provide a suitable fish and visited a local aquarium. A solitary classic goldfish in a cheap, round plastic bowl is a forlorn sight and so within a couple of days I revisited the shop and bought another one for company.

Being a new owner I read up a bit on husbandry issues such as feedstuffs and mealtimes, water hygiene, handling out of the water and general welfare. Keen to create a nice environment I filled the gravel bottomed receptacle  with a Greek column, plastic foliage and a few interesting shaped pebbles and rocks from my own collection.

The bowl, not overly large in size, did look a bit overcrowded although as an obstacle course it did look interesting.

Two fish do excrete a lot and I found that the water became murky and foul smelling only a few days after a full change and clean. It cannot have been much fun and I did regularly find one or more of the goldfish at the surface appearing to be gasping for oxygen or muttering obscenities in my direction.

In spite of the slum-like conditions the fish did thrive although it was now abundantly clear that they were of two different breeds, one being big, bulbous and very gold and the other a bit fancier with a flowing tail and contrasting silver and bronze streaks along its slim flank.

The need for regular sluicing did become inconvenient and also a bit of an embarrassment to me.

I had, broadly, three options. Two were a cowardly way and one was the right thing to do.

The former included releasing the two fish in the ornamental lake in the local park or asking a big favour of a client whose office had a prominent feature fish tank in the reception of his office. I did not have great hopes for prolonged survival in the murky, green and litter strewn stagnant puddle by the cafe building. I would have to request visitation rights for any new lodgings in the clients office which could be awkward.

The right thing to do was to just spend some money on a proper tank and equipment.

The multiple listings on E bay and Gumtree contained attractive propositions but not being technical or practical any comments such as "needs attention", "supplied with non functioning pump" or "showing signs of fatigue" were a major disincentive to enquire further.

I searched the glossy on-line catalogues of major suppliers but this was disorientating and confusing, especially the self assembly option for the different components. Cost was also a bit above my budget.

So, during Christmas shopping I had wandered into the farthest aisles of BM Bargains and amongst the pet food and home cleaning products I saw the perfect new home for the fish.

It was a traditional rectangle, about 50cm by 25cm by 50cm. The weight of it when lifted from  the shelf was not conclusive as to whether glass or plastic and the packaging was a definitely targeted at younger aquarianists rather than my age group.

An illustration did show a pump, filter, plant and sachet of fish food and that closed the sale for me for sure. Back home I made a bit of a drama out of transferring the lucky recipients to their new abode complete with humming of some national anthem type tune , perhaps "Atlantis The Brave" , and a flourish with, I forgot to mention, the free net to ensnare the excitable fish.

At least the open cesspool of the old bowl had been quiet and so switching on the pump and filter must have been deafening although that steady flow of oxygenated bubbles did seem to invigorate, refresh and illuminate the aquatic creatures.

It is now a few days into the new residency. The fish do seem happier and when looking at me, allowing for the distortion of the glass/plastic/perspex, my lip reading of their open mouthings is nothing but joy...................................................................................