Testing Times

Engage in conversation with friends or strangers and it is said that it will, from whatever pretence or subject it started on, eventually come around to a mention of Adolf Hitler, Immigration or the issue of what Social Class you believe yourself to be in.

The old Downton Abbey type demarcation between the Classes is long gone, Praise Be, but many still struggle to either identify with their ancestral roots or edge themselves up, through materialistic possessions, affectations and what older generations call "Top Show" or crudely, "Fur coat and no knickers,  to give the impression that they are in the bracket above which they actually belong.

Social mobility and aspirations can blur any residual barriers. It is only the Elitist Ruling Class who have maintained their status, although  in a bit more of an impoverished state since the abolition of slavery, domestic servitude and the money making exploitations within the old Empire. We know this to be a fact because they keep going on about it.

I get the impression that more of the UK population than ever regard themselves as Middle Class. This is not surprising because the heavy industries, manual labour and nasty, smelly jobs which made the country wealthy and the electric lighting and transport efficient do not exist anymore within our shores in any recognisable numbers. The Working Class are as rare now in our Census figures as the Ruling Classes which represents a very dramatic situation and with equally significant implications for the socio-economic composition of our Nation.

The Times on Saturday put together a survey to test its readers on whether they are Middle Class. The fifty observations were arranged across a double page spread with indicative photo's of the objects in question and a tick box. This subject aroused my interest and imagination and I have decided to compile a slightly less ambitious selection of 30 things that tell you if that you are Middle Class. Here goes;

1.  You saw The Times on Saturday Survey on determining if you are Middle Class.
2.  A nice pen was close to hand by which to complete the Times on Saturday Survey
3.  There was a thick coffee table type book available on which to rest the Times on Saturday
4.  It was quiet enough in the house to complete the Survey without disturbance
5.  Items 1 to 5 above were completed whilst drinking a cup of filter coffee from a cafetiere
6.  Instant coffee is relegated to the back of the cupboard on a weekend
7.  The digital radio in the kitchen has only ever been tuned to BBC Radio 4 Extra
8.  You have a pressure cooker but have forgotten how to use it
9.  A bulb of garlic sits in its own dish on the kitchen worktop, untouched.
10.You would rather bake a loaf in the breadmaker at exhorbitant cost than buy one from Tesco's
11. You have a dishwasher and also a good supply of Fairy washing up liquid, unopened
12. Fridge magnets on display are from world wide destinations and not just from Clinton Cards.
13. One living room is called 'The Best Room' and has one wall in a contrasting papered finish
14. There is at least one German Manufactured car on the driveway
15. You once had a thought to install a bidet in the bathroom
16. There is more than a weeks supply of toilet paper available in the house
17. Books in the bedroom are on average about 3 centimetres thick from cover to cover
18. You have never purchased, coveted or admired net curtains
19. You possess more than one best pair of shoes
20. A set of crockery is on permanent display and is never for practical use
21. You have a garage but it has never ever had a car parked in it.
22. You regard recycling as your major contribution to saving the world from global warming
23.  It is a matter of choice not necessity that you turn on the lounge gas fire
24.  There is always a pile of unopened letters from your Bank in a desk drawer. You have a desk.
25.  You are good for credit for an indefinite period at your local newsagents.
26.  You have a dining room table and it is used for family meals on special occasions.
27.  A meal in front of the TV is very naughty and subversive but strangely exciting to partake in
28.  You have a raincoat, top coat and a smart casual jacket but a cagoule is only a cagoule
29.  A haircut can only be obtained from a hairdressing salon
30.  You never carry around any cash or paper money over £10 denomination.

Thank you for your attention. I am just going upstairs to assess if I can indeed wedge a bidet into the house bathroom. If I move the vast supply of loo paper into the garage this may surely be possible.