Smarty Pants

Whatever did I do and how on earth did I manage before I got a smart phone?

I am not a technophobe but it is just that I like to just stick with a piece of technology and give it a chance to mesh in.

That has tended to be my philosophy in life.

In each of my five decades on the planet I have championed a specific piece of equipment often suffering the jibes and ridicule of others who may have felt more in tune with contemporary trends, fashions and fads.

One particular item played a prominent part in my formative years. Indeed it survived albeit in a gradually diminishing form for a couple of decades therefore proving that longevity and consistency is always preferable to trying to compete on a oneupmanship basis with whatever is the flavour of that particular year, month, day or up to the hour in today's fast moving and ever changing "must have" culture.

To put that particular item into context I need to set the scene a bit first.

Up to the age of 10 one of my favourite toys was a Meccano Construction set. Many will have similarly fond memories of this British made product but I would be fairly certain that only a few will have had the all plastic version. It may have been a consideration by my parents that plastic was less harmful than the classic forged metal version and I would be less likely to become impaled on a chunky blue plastic bolt or to swallow and choke on a large black plastic car wheel. I accept that there were some limitations to what could be assembled but I did have countless hours of imaginative play as long as it involved what closely resembled a pirate ship or a milk float.

I became more sophisticated and demanding in my teenage years. Although it was not mine I did more or less claim ownership of the family cassette recorder. it was a case of placing it as close as possible to the speaker on the radio or gramophone if wanting to make a recording of the music charts or one of those, in retrospect, terrible Music for Pleasure vinyl records of top pop songs but not, I emphasise, by the original artists. That Sony tape recorder went everywhere with me because I felt it was cool. It was pretty heavy and bulky and may have contributed to my upper body strength which was freakish for my age. I had to retrieve it out of the local river more than once with my angling keep net and, without my parents knowing, ran the hair dryer over it for half an hour to evaporate the greenish tinted water.

By my early twenties the Filofax was the bees-knees for the young, aspiring executive. Mine was in the style of the brand leader but purchased from WH Smith. It could still take the authentic and useful pages if you could fight for a place in front of the display stand in all good local newsagents. It was an affirmation of the power of paper in life and business and yet within a matter of years the Filofax would be virtually obsolete when up against even the earliest and crude computerised personal organisers. Progress, eh?

Thirty Something's tend to be the most influential in any society having reached a degree of maturity and responsibility. It is a time of balance in lifestyle and ambitions, home ownership, children, dogs and for the first time a practical car rather than a sporty one. Disposable income can be stretched and previous budgetary allocation to gadgets and leisure is seconded to nappies, buggies and educational toys.It was a sparse decade for gadgetry but most fulfilling in all other ways.

My forties were a time when I wanted for nought and found time to laugh at those obsessed in their pursuit for the next best thing. In fact I went a bit retro and just enjoyed the output of my digital radio. Habits die hard and I had to retrieve it a couple of times from the soapy grave of the kitchen sink after accidentally dislodging it from the window cill. I have not lost the dexterity and skill of using the hair dryer for an impromptu revival.

So, to the present day. My first smart phone, android operating system, e mail, internet, apps, global positioning and so much more that I have yet to stumble upon whilst trying to find the telephone answer call button. I am in awe of the technology and a computing power infinitessimally greater than that taking the early Apollo Missions to orbit the moon.

I have yet to become accustomed to the immediacy of communication as I have always valued the luxury of time to think and reflect before reacting or giving a response to a request for information or opinion. I am told that I have the latest model of phone/databank/clock/calculator/etc but it may be ridiculously out of date and a joke if shown in use in public by the end of this week.

So, to return to the longest serving of all of my possessions. It was neither mechanical, technical or relying on a power source, upgrade or patronage by the famous and influential.

When new it was a large off-square piece of soft cloth, the sort used, I am led to believe, to line the old style nappies. As a small child it was my cuddly blanket and a source of great comfort and reassurance. Always to hand or attached to me it was a constant companion. I suffered at the hands of bullies for it but I did not care. The cuddly eventually wore away to little more than a piece of patchwork and went out in a blaze of glory as an oily rag for my bicycle when I was at college in my early 20's.

There may be a moral message somewhere along the lines of "do not place too much faith in inanimate powered objects because they will eventually let you down"

A cuddly, however, is a reliable friend for life and even in its last throes makes for a useful cleaning cloth.