Saturday 23 July 2016

Armchair Critic

The lure of a bargain is enticing for many what with today's ever increasing cost of living. 

There can be a certain thrill in bagging an item at either a marked down price, as in one of those clearance baskets at the end of a supermarket aisle, or even better when perceived in our own judgement to be a bit of a steal. 

The item or items in question do not have to be luxury, collectables or rarities. They can be as simple as a foodstuff, a piece of clothing or in my case a DVD or CD.  I may not get to view or listen to such a purchase for weeks on end but I am comforted in the knowledge that it was a bargain.

For larger ticket goods it is certainly prudent to shop around a bit. 

My greatest acquisition was a family car with every extra you could think of including a pop up television in the dashboard and all for a consideration at half of the list price that it had left the showroom to the first owner a mere 12 months before. It was a case of just being in the right place at the right time. 

The task of bargain shopping is complicated when entrusted by a close relative to seek out something with their money. 

This was the case over the last couple of weeks for my wife who was asked by her Mum to buy an armchair. 

Not just any armchair but one to match a two seater settee which was on order from a large national retailer and with an impending delivery date from the factory. 

The same make and model of armchair on a brand new basis really pushed the budget for the re-furnishing project and this started a hunt for a lower price through the internet. The Outlet for the national chain did stock returned and reconditioned chairs of the exact same type and at much reduced price. The snag was that the operation was based in Scotland and did not deliver. Even at the lower price the additional cost for a minimum ten hour round trip to collect did not really represent much of a saving. 

It was through the alternative market place of E Bay that the exact item was located. 

I work on the principle that if something sounds too good to be true then it is and this dictum has so far served me well because, let's face it, there are persons out there who make their living out of ripping other people off by promising everything for very little but for a reason only later realised by the victim. 

I was understandably sceptical therefore about the internet advertised armchair which was the exact make, model and colour of the one sought and at less than a quarter of the retail price. The sellers indicated that it was only one week old. 

My wife, who is an excellent judge of character, offered the asking price. 

I agreed to a 100 mile each way drive (almost local) to clinch the deal and arrangements were made for me to pick up and pay at the weekend which was only three days away. 

For each of the nights leading up to the road trip to collect the armchair I suffered a recurring and fitful dream. 

It involved the loading bay of my estate car. 

The opening took on the alternating forms of the gaping mouth of a Great White Shark with a full compliment of menacing teeth to a tiny aperture about the size of a kitchen cabinet. 

Whatever the physical form and dimensions I found myself, in dream state, attempting to push into it a taupe coloured, plush cushioned leather armchair. 

This state of panic had been brought about by a nagging uncertainty that had seeped into my subconscious that the actual chair would be too big to fit into the car and the journey across the country would be a wasted one. 

I had, of course, checked and double checked the manufacturers measurements for the specific chair from their on line information and had even taken a tape measure to the back of the car to see what tolerances were involved. 

All of my anguish was down to the very close correlation indeed of chair size to car load bay. 

It would be a tight fit for sure.

On the motorway heading westwards this morning my fears remained strong. Even more terrifying was that I had no credible Plan B. 

It was only after man-handling the chair out of the sellers house that, with a bit of manipulation I was able to shut the hatch firmly down and relax. 

The job was done. 

On the return drive I rehearsed a modest acceptance of my logistical genius in anticipation of glowing praise from my Mother in Law, shamelessly basking in the collective glory that was principally all of my Wife's doing. 

This soon turned to disappointment and not a little embarrassment. 

I will no doubt have nightmares about the whole thing as the armchair, the perfect bargain, was just too big to fit through any of the doors to the house. 

It remains, snug and secure in the back of my car. Now, what about Plan B, C, D,....................etc.

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