A Sporting Life

I am in awe of those currently participating at the Rio Olympics, not just the favourites but all of those who have undoubtedly made sacrifices to attain that level of performance on the world stage.

There have been fantastic physical human exertions in all of the sports and in the case of dressage by some wonderful horses.

I have been blessed in my own life to have partaken in a number of disciplines albeit not to a very competent level although I have represented school, college, club and scout troop in a number of competitions. I was just passing time with my son, himself an athlete, in between Tv coverage of the 31st Olympiad thinking about what sports I have actually had a go at in my 53 years to date;

Here goes;

Archery- once made my own bow and arrow out of a springy branch and my Mother's best wool.

Athletics- owned a pair of second hand (feet) running spikes and did 100m in 11.0 seconds

Badminton - cockled a few shutts at inter-school level and booked an hour on a public court once.

Basketball - I am under 6 foot so does not apply

Beach volleyball - someone kicked sand in my face and I cried a lot which affected performance

Boxing- got into a scrap with the school bully and came off worse, although the geeks liked me for it

Canoe slalom-lost a paddle on the Municipal Boating Lake and just drifted about until rescued

Canoe sprint- was trying to race my sister when the above mishap took place

Cycling BMX- borrowed my little brother's bike to go to the shop for sweets

Cycling mountain bike- went to work and back on one yesterday, scaled the by-pass bridge

Cycling road- got my first best bike aged 18 and went to the shop for sweets

Cycling track- rode down a muddy one once on the way to the sweet shop

Diving- tripped over the kerb and did this into a neighbours hedge

Equestrian-sat on the huge horse of a distant cousin. Did not like it. Rode a donkey on a beach instead

Fencing- long session but none of the posts and panels were level

Field hockey- my big sister had a stick and I stole it to hit stones at kids from the next housing estate

Football- injured myself playing at age 52 whilst imagining I was 22 and Carlos Alberto (Brazil 1970)

Golf- started one 18 hole match but had to give up after losing all of my golf balls in the first nine

Gymnastics- did  a forward roly-poly across the living room and broke the coffee table

Handball- I blame this on my poor eyesight to date

Judo- pretended to be a martial arts black belt but the school bully exposed the lie (see boxing)

Marathon swimming- stayed in Council pool after the yellow wristband expired (at least 10 minutes)

Modern pentathlon- sellotaped 20 biro's together to write punishment lines quicker

Rhythmic gymnastics- drank 10 pints of beer believing myself to be Olga Korbut disco dancing

Rowing- third man in an eight on the River Trent but no talent for rowing whatsoever-asked to leave

Rugby sevens- did not play rugby until aged 16 and liked to run away fast from any possible contact

Sailing- capsized on Coniston Water in 1976 and have not been on a small boat since

Shooting- nearly dislocated a shoulder after firing a shotgun

Swimming - got evacuated from the Town Pool after someone floated a pooh in the deep end

Synchronised swimming- does the stampede of bathers in the above count?

Table tennis- that was a very week holiday week on a campsite

Taekwondo- had it once with boiled rice...or was it chips?

Trampoline- the urban myth that someones head came off in the supporting springs put me off this

Triathlon- ran after bloke who had stolen my bike and retrieved it out of the canal where they threw it

Volleyball- see beach volley ball above

Water polo - got discouraged by all of that splashing and having to tread water

Weightlifting- tried to impress at the gym but ended up having to seek physio help

Wrestling- it was actually a bit of an embarrassing scuffle and I had been first in the shop queue