Holistic Comedy

One of the joys of being in the car a lot during my working day is catching the classic comedy re-runs on Radio 4 Extra. Dads Army, Hancocks Half Hour, The Goon Show, Steptoe and Son, The Likely Lads, The Burkiss Way, I'm Sorry I'll read that again, Kenneth Williams, The Men from the Ministry, The Navy Lark and many, many more.

They provide some real laugh out loud moments and fond reminiscences.

The following transcript is the work of Michael Bentine, the fourth Goon who entertained me in my childhood with his outrageous and totally mad Potty Time.

It is from May 1984.

Yesterday was actually the first time that I had heard this. A glorious two and bit minutes of crazy dialogue.

Please welcome, Mr Arthur Cavity. Good evening, how do you do Sir. Now I understand that you have a unique collection. What exactly do you collect?

Holes. Holes. I collect holes. Big holes, small holes, knot holes, worm holes, A....

Are you a long term collector?

Sir, all my life. I collected my first hole when I was a small boy. It was a hole that I had made in a conservatory window with a stone. I still have it.

The stone?

No, the hole. You never forget your first hole. Since then I've collected over 12,000 holes.

Amazing.

Now here's an interesting hole. Be very careful with it. It is very rare.

Well, it looks like a hole inside an old cake.

You are absolutely right, spot on. It's an old cake hole.

I was just thinking about a funny story I heard from a few years ago about a man who bought a big hole to put in his garden. He was bringing it back to his house on the back of a truck. On the way the hole fell off the truck into the road. The man backed up the truck to pick it up and reversed into the hole and he has never been seen since. 

I don't find that funny at all. That was my Dad.

Oh. I'm sorry. Wait a minute. Where on earth did your father buy a big hole?

From a holesaler, where else? Poor Dad, He was a great collector. My Dad had the finest collection of holes in the hole world. Bolt holes, bullet holes, manholes, moleholes, black holes, A....

Ah, what a  shame he passed away. Did you inherit his collection of holes then?

Yes I did and what a collection it would have been. His and mine. It would have been enormous.

Would?

I never actually got it. You see, when Dad fell down the big hole in the road he disappeared and naturally we were so busy looking for him and the truck. Well, while we were looking for Dad someone broke into his house and stole the hole collection.

The End