Foiled again

Just placed the order for a fresh turkey for Christmas dinner.

It is the only time that I speak to the local butcher and over the last 20 years the aggregated conversation time of about 10 minutes has formed the basis of an acquaintance that I value.

It is a strange relationship based on one transaction a year.

I do pass his shop on the pedestrianised walkway in  the town centre quite regularly but apart from collecting the pre-ordered bird on Chritsmas Eve, itself another family tradition, I am ashamed to say that I do not step over the threshold for anything else.

We may wave if he is leaning into the display in the deep bay window to rearrange the chops, steaks or joints or he does a mock salute with two fingers to the brow of his jauntily worn, white trilby. It may be an attempt however just to hide the obvious streaks of blood and guts so as not to scare the passers-by.

You would think that a turkey would be the first and easiest item on the seasonal shopping list but in our house the actual decision to stick with the usual fare is a matter of great indecision and soul searching. Turkey, nice enough but a bit dry, don't you think?

We always have a bit of a discussion on whether to forget normal conventions and branch out with another main meat for the celebration dinner. My mother in law is a great cook and hostess and in the past when invited to Christmas at her house we have feasted with duck and goose and all of the trimmings plus more. The different wildlife has been a welcome change and they do have their merits, mainly not being too dry.

This year, in a new house and some 5 miles away from the perennial placing of an order we have an opportunity to set up a new tradition.

What got me thinking about a change in style and practice was overhearing the waiter at a local Indian Restaurant and Takeaway on the phone going through the set menu dinners available on Christmas Day. It had not really crossed my mind that 1) the restaurant would be open on 25th December 2) there was on that day a demand for an Indian meal.

The alternatives to a turkey are actually quite diverse.

I have of course just concentrated on real food so far but for those of a vegetarian and other unfortunate preferences there is a bit of choice. Nut Roast. That's it.

In more recent years and where not exposed as an investment scam there has been significant marketing and education expenditure in world foods.

It will have been a difficult task to persuade British consumers to entertain let alone taste test anything other than home produced meat for the seasonal table. Our local Farmer's Market has had some success promoting Ostrich as a burger in a bun with onions and a cheese slice but breeders and distributors are pushing bigger bits of the fast moving game bird. A 2kg fan shaped fillet, probably a bit like a good old turkey crown, is enough to feed 8 persons and will cook fast giving more scope to have a snooze before the Queen's Speech at 3pm.

Fish is widely eaten at the religious Feast, particularly in parts of Southern Italy and forms a centrepiece of the Christmas Eve celebrations with 7 types of fish representing the Holy Sacraments. Eels and squid are popular.

Once strictly reserved for Royalty and Nobility it is possible to acquire a haunch or saddle of deer without having your hands chopped off, eyes poked out or being transported into exile. Most supermarkets stock smaller cuts of venison or if you live in a rural area or even on the edge of a town one of the animals may offer itself up for sacrifice in the glare of your headlights. The trade-off for a juicy venison joint will however be  major motor car repairs or personal injury which seems a bit of a disincentive to me.

The Brits like to play it safe at Christmas and the mystery around the production of dinner does appear to strike fear and anxiety into many because of the pivotal expectations on its success.

It is not surprising that roast beef ,Yorkshire puds and lots of veg remain in the top five choices. It is a case of sticking with what you know best for some.

Salt Marsh Lamb is a current trend as an alternative to turkey being reared on coastal grazing lands resulting in a distinctive flavour and healthy nutrients.

My father was regularly presented with lead shot perforated pheasants by his farmer customers at Christmas and there was competition amongst us children to accumulate the highest number of pellets on the edge of the dinner plate.

The freezers and chillers in local Delicatessens can be a great source of different meats for the festive table. I have tried Wild Boar and found it to be moist and tasty and my son has recently upgraded his opinion of Buffalo to "preferable" to Burger King which is a major endorsement from his generation.

I do however draw a line in the gravy granules over the offerings of kangaroo (although I have had it in steak form), camel, goat, crocodile, wildebeest and python.

The alternatives to turkey are therefore quite overwhelming and very persuasive on the basis of the leaner and healthier meats although we would probably still gorge on an equivalent quantity to the usual bird.

All of the angst and indecision is just too much additional stress at this time of year and so I will be making that one-off telephone call to the butcher and renewing our relationship in the matter of a few choice words.