Hearken Ye back to the 14th Century and the Black Death which saw off around 60% of the then European population. Those intent on protecting their accumulated assets wrapped up bits of gold, coins and jewels in a sheet of lead and lobbed it into the marsh or a nearby stream. This, at the time will have seemed to satisfy for the purpose of retrieval if they were blessed and survived or simply to deny anyone else of their wealth benefits.
Others sneaked out and dug a hole so that future exponents of the Metal Detector could combine the sporting of paramilitary outdoor attire and treasure hunting.
In the 17th Century Plague a few souls isolated themselves, their loved ones and whole communities relying on supplies to be left at the Parish Boundary.
So, fast forward to the current Coronavirus and the human trait of self preservation has seen the equivalent modern phenomena of the panic buying of Pot Noodles.
Yes, that little tub of instant (subject to following the instructions on the label) gratification and questionable sustenance so beloved by students, singles, men whose wives or partners have gone on a trip and office workers who forgot or did not have time to prepare a packed lunch.
The Pot Noodle deserves a place in history for its role in the lives of those who have progressed to positions of responsibility and authority after experiencing what at the time seemed bleak and desperate but in retrospect and clouded in nostalgia were the best days of their lives.
In some families the Pot Noodle is a must have in the grocery cupboard.
Personally I feel that they should be kept in one of those glass fronted cabinets with a small toffee hammer on a chain and with strict instructions for use only in an emergency.
My younger brother reminded me of a story about one of his friends who, having been instilled with a suspicion and fear of foreign foods, left for a holiday in Spain with one Pot Noodle tub for every day of the fortnight vacation. Unfortunately he did succumb to a dodgy tummy which can only be attributable to an overdose of re-hydrated material given that he was methodical in making sure that the local water reached and sustained boiling point before being poured in.
He did persist in his dietary regime and with the unexpected spin off that by the second week he was able to build the most stupendous castles in the sand of the resort beach- much to the amusement and astonishment of other Nationalities who were there for rest and relaxation only.
Media coverage of the arrival of the Coronavirus in the UK has featured empty shelves in supermarkets in the aisles where hand sanitisers, disinfectant, disposable gloves and other cleansing items are usually found. Other stockpile favourites include Pasta, tinned goods such as pulses and fruits, frozen foods and other staples.
For those facing the prospect of self isolation the Pot Noodle does tick a good number of the boxes.
In a single serving there are 384 calories which according to health statistics will give you enough energy to do a session of aerobics or other single session house based activities of yoga, domestic chores and if you are feeling at all fit and healthy how about a bit of Salsa dancing?.
The fork delivered meal in a pot can provide, in some of the flavours around 10 grams of protein, 54 grams of carbohydrate, a small 3.3 grams of fibre and 14.1 grams of fat.
Those fully intent on Pot Noodle reliance in any escalation of the Coronavirus must, I stress, seek professional advice on their individual daily calorific intake requirements and be fully prepared to take a varied food intake so as to meet the minimum 5 a day as well as supplements.
Otherwise my master-plan to ride out the Pandemic should it be imperative to self isolate is not altogether a scary prospect.
I can imagine being wrapped up in a duvet on the sofa watching endless Netflix Box Sets and with an electrical extension cable and hosepipe run through from the nearest socket and tap respectively to the kettle. Next to me will be a large, perfectly stacked pyramid display of a good selection of Pot Noodle flavours.
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