There is an idyllic notion of an English family and life with their domestic pets. The dog, sitting at his masters feet attentive and loyal or stretched out in front of a coal fire whimpering and twitching in some great imagined pursuit . The cat, sat on the kitchen draining board, licking its paws before turning its face into the morning sun, squinting and purring with pride. A small dead rodent just having been deposited on the kitchen floor as a gift to the humans. A rabbit in the outside hutch, nervous on the approach of a stranger but at ease with the familiar footsteps of the family. A stick insect not doing much at all, a bit of a waste of time really, but enjoying its holiday away from the usual pencil poking attentions of Class 4b .
In the course of my professional work I have come across many domestic situations where the pets have definitely been in charge of the house much to the distress and misery of the human occupants. In other cases the keeping of a pet or domesticated animal has just not been the right thing.
I came across a house on one of the large housing estates, typically found well towards the outskirts of any major city or urban area, where the family welcomed me in to the kitchen but informed me that I could not have access to the front living room. The living room formed half of the useable space of the ground floor. Two Rhodesian Ridgeback dogs occupied the living room as their combined bedsit and with the largest ever door flap for them to get into what remained of the back lawn. Cute, no doubt, as puppies with the usual slobbery faces and amusingly large and outsized paws but soon to outgrow progressively large quilted beds and within 6 months of rapid and expensive dietary growth to take up occupation in what had been the best room in the house. I am not sure if the householders were mis-sold the dogs as puppies with the assurance that they would grow about as large as a Labrador and not, as transpired, as large as a small horse. A little research may have revealed that the Ridgeback breed is used to hunt lions!
At the other extreme there can be equivalent mayhem not in size but in numbers. A quite compact semi detached bungalow up the coast gave no clue, on walking up the pathway, that it was home to 17 small dogs. They comprised 16 wrinkly faced and curly tailed miniature Pugs and one Highland Terrier. Given the language and cultural differences I find it difficult to comprehend how the Scottie coped with his roomies. I must say that whilst the resultant mess from a Rhodesian Ridgeback could break your ankle if fallen over there is more distress in the simultaneous expulsion of waste from a tidal wave of small dogs in a rather cramped and steeply sloping back garden. I decided not to venture down to the bottom of the garden in case I could not manage to get back up to the bungalow through the unpleasant surface sheen of accumulated mess.
I do have an allergy to cats. It stemmed I believe from the trauma of my own cat, Bonnie, dying at my Gran’s whilst she saw to it during our family holiday. I hold no blame and the fact that my Gran’s dog died after I took it for a walk is purely coincidental and I am sticking to that story. I had had no reaction beforehand when Bonnie used to sleep at my feet under the bed covers. The symptoms are distressing to myself but also to anyone who witnesses the bloodshot eyes, runny nose and inhaler inducing respiratory attack. I should have heeded the early signs of a reaction which started to develop as soon as I had entered a small terraced house just off the city centre. As I proceeded through the house I started to sniffle, but for no obvious reason. Living room, dining room and kitchen only exacerbated my discomfort.I could feel my contact lenses start to loosen as my eyes began to run. Upstairs, clean and tidy, I had to stop at the top of the stairs to catch my breathe in the early stages of a wheezing chest. I returned to speak with the owner in the kitchen. She reminded me that there was a back porch to see before I left. As I opened the door to the porch I was met by the sight of 30 cats,I counted them in the interests of medical science, all rescued by the kind and benevolent elderly houseowner. The accumulation of fine hairs and general allergens caused me to retreat and lie down for the rest of the day.
My late father in law, George, worked for some years for the City Council. I marvelled at his own experiences of finding animals in the most unlikely places. The best included chickens kept penned behind wire under the kitchen table and a horse residing in the front room for the winter.
There are some very sad cases. I was inspecting a house which had been ,unfortunately, repossessed by a lender. The house which was home to tenants , fully furnished and with a large contingent of pets from goldfish to caged birds and gerbils had been forcibly entered by the Bailiffs and with services drained down and locks changed unbeknown to the tenants who were on holiday. I had expected to find a totally vacant and cleared property but was shocked to find the occupants of that small petting zoo desperate for water and food. For the next 30 minutes I took on the role of the United Nations Relief Force making sure all bowls, cages and aviaries were replenished. I did tell the selling agents what I thought of those who had repossessed the house and had shown complete disregard for the health and welfare of the indigenous population.
My favourite house-guests are the parrots. These, from my observations, are getting increasingly rare but always a treat if the homeowners indicate that the bird is a talker. I try to encourage the parrot to converse with me but keeping well back from the cage bars as they can be a bit viscious. I have been entertained by various profanities and a wide range of very authentic phone tones and car alarm sounds.
Reptiles are very popular from corn snakes, tarantulas, large lizards and small crocodiles. I do make a point of checking that the lid and occupants of a vivarium are nice and secure before I start my inspection work.
If I do find myself face to face with some large exotic arachnid in a dark corner I hope that it takes into account my dedication to carefully removing and repatriating any live spiders that I find trapped in the bathtub in an empty house.
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