A Life in One Day

We all do it. We cannot help but do it. It is human nature. You meet someone for the first time and make an assessment. The criteria varies from person to person. Some warm to physical and facial appearance, others to cosmetics of dress and attire, perhaps stance and the perception of body language, voice tone and pitch. The younger generation may consider stereotypical aspects whether an Emo, Goth or Geek. My gran always looked at the condition of a persons shoes. So on what do we base our understanding of an individual whom we have never met and have no connection to whatsoever?. I faced this situation yesterday. Yvonne, a longstanding family friend was in the distressing position of having to clear out the house and effects of her step mother who had died sometime over the Christmas period. The lady had only been a comparatively recent re-aquaintance, in terms of her whereabouts, by Yvonne after a fracture of the family unit some years before and the subsequent re-marrying of her father had broken the lines of contact and communication. In a first venture into the world wide web in the late 1990's Yvonne had used a genealogical source as a means of getting to know the scope of the internet. To her surprise Yvonne discovered a network of distant relatives but it was only through conversations with them that the identity of one of the correspondents as her step mother was revealed. They met on neutral ground in Selfridges in Oxford Street. Lya was a well dressed, well educated and intelligent lady of German origin but resident in England for many years. There was only potential, time and commitments permitting ,to fill in short pieces of the family jigsaw. With the news of Lya's death the extended family rallied into action. She had lived alone since the late 1980's in a modern maisonette in Chiswick, West London. Yvonne had been to the house a couple of weeks prior. The task of sorting the effects was going to be huge. The first visit by family to the house revealed a huge amount of personal effects. In every room it was only possible to negotiate via narrow walkways between floor to ceiling collections of books, greetings cards, bagged up dry goods, magazines, boxes and suitcases. No furniture was visible under accumulated items. The wall space in all rooms was occupied by large and stout Germanic cupboards, wardrobes and dressers but these could not be reached as they were abutted by the stored effects.  Yvonne and her cousin Jean had been startled when a television had sprung into life from somewhere. The kitchen was also wall to wall cupboards, storage jars of herbs and spices, larders with tin and packets. Bedrooms were not accessible being crammed full of clothes, the silhouettes of distant heirloom furniture, more sealed up storage boxes and piles of magazines. Yvonne had been upset by her first visit and it was only right and proper to offer some support and assistance to the task in hand. I did not come along to verify Yvonne's description of the scene nor on any grounds of morbid fascination. It was a case of helping out in difficult circumstances. I was allocated to sorting and clearing a corner of the living room in order to get access to a large cupboard and a chest of drawers. I was bearing witness to a small part of the life of a proud and resolute lady. Every letter received had been carefully documented in a series of hardback wide column notebooks. Other meticulous records listed family, friends and acquaintances by birthday or anniversary date. This more than explained the large collection of greetings cards in readiness for sending. Equally the recipients of cards had placed high emphasis on responding and reciprocating friendship and news with postcards received from all corners of the globe. Another set of notebooks listed gifts sent and received. The huge amount of Christmas themed tins of biscuits, sweets and chocolates ready for despatch showed her love of that season. Strong links had been maintained with her German roots. One recognisable and distinctive handwriting style on numerous large A4 brown envelopes was the source of extracts from german newspapers including humourous articles and crossword puzzles. Letters from The Post Office contained information on First Day Covers for stamps and these had been purchased and received along with many boxes and containers holding loose stamps and collectables. The piles of books left after one full day of sorting had a strong religious, spiritual healing, homeopathic and medical content. These had all evidently been read and absorbed from the insertion of paper bookmarks between the pages. The many packing boxes bore the signage of a Vienna based removals firm. Yvonne said that these had come from her step mother's family. My very limited schoolboy German made out the words of 'Kitchen equipment', 'Bedroom contents' and ' Personal items'. These boxes would have to wait for another time to be opened. The sorting of effects was slow so as not to overlook potentially important personal papers and other documents. Where possible packaging was allocated for re-cycling with different collection bags for paper, polythene bags, plastics, glass and boxes for donations to charity and other worthy causes locally. I found the experience very poignant from the position of an outsider to the family. There was an order and discipline to the individual rooms from a well organised and very conscientious lady. The contents of the house represented all of her worldly belongings and that must have provided an ultimate feeling of comfort and security. Independence and autonomy is essential for a sense of well being particularly after a full and rewarding life. There is a strong value in life experience and memory, often overlooked and disrespected in modern society . There can be no better way than to be immersed everyday in familiar things. My very short time helping out at the house had given me a good understanding of the lady but yet I could only have been introduced to an equally small proportion of her life and times. It was a defining and humbling experience.