White, Van Man

It was a brand spanking new Mercedes Sprinter Luton Body Van.

It was so fresh off the production line that the rental company had not even had time to smear and smooth their liveried stickers onto the bright white panelwork.

The vehicle checker-outer or whatever the correct terminology may be was obviously reluctant for me to take away such a beautiful, virgin vehicle and seemed to linger for an unnecessarily long time around the unblemished tyres, the bonnet devoid of chips and insect remains, the pristineand wood odoured loading bay and something I had not expected to get for my daily hire rate, a powered tail-lift.

It was a matter of pride for the chap to thoroughly scrutinise the van before letting a civilian loose with it on the highway.

The lecture continued on the safe operation of that tail-lift, the whereabouts of the fuel filler cap, switching the engine on and what all the dashboard buttons did. I listened attentively making sure that I did ask a couple of stupidly obvious questions to show that I would be a conscientious user of the fine vehicle.

The representative diagram of the van on the paperwork was handed to me without any annotated or scribbled notes on condition because it was perfect. I felt understandably nervous at being handed such an unblemished thing as this.

My first attempt to drive away failed as I stalled the engine. The most surprising aspect of the Sprinter is its quietness in operation as I had read in some publicity material when considering what type of van to rent out for a couple of days.

It was most car-like to drive even though it felt as broad and as long as a small bungalow.

Vans are very sociable vehicles, they really are. Three seats across the cab and plenty of elbow and leg room make for a very comfortable place to spend a good many hours. The model provided appeared to be top of the range with a LCD display screen with information on the status of vital functions, a good and thumping radio and CD player, air conditioning and perhaps the most useful piece of equipment, a small spring loaded clip under which a wad of papers could be held giving easy access. I was disappointed not to have any suitable paperwork such as delivery notes, maps, McDonalds menu's or a picture of my nearest and dearest.

The elevated driving position was superb to give a long-distance view of the road ahead but also into lorry cabs, touring coaches and to look down at the cleavage of female passengers in the vehicles that overtook the lumbering machine.

It was quite a rapid learning curve in taking stock of the size and presence of a Luton body van and particularly in taking a corner. I adopted a policy of just keeping in the very middle of the traffic lane and crawling at dead slow speed around any turn in the road.

I was concentrating so much on these aspects that on pulling up outside of the house I nearly rammed the high panelled side into the large tree which projected out over the verge.

I should have been very aware of this obstruction having witnessed a collision between a double decker bus and the lower boughs a few years prior. Passengers had been hospitalised by the jarring impact and within a matter of days the offending branch had been severely pruned but was now back to its former size.

Clambering out of the cab was difficult what with stiffened limbs after the drive from the hire depot and I could feel a twinge in my hip as I clattered down onto the pavement. The van, even straddling the kerb still stuck out quite a bit into the road and I was anxious about there being enough clearance for the frequent bus and coach service that used the route as well as our neighbours rubber-necking what was going on.

The tail lift was a significant benefit over the next couple of days of moving furniture and the amassed belongings of 18 years occupation of the same property.

In its first few uses I was careful to follow the operating instructions of the hydraulic lift to the letter as there existed some degree of hazard to trap fingers and toes on the upward and downward movement respectively. After a few hours my approach was a bit more blase and casual and it took a near amputation of the digits on my right hand to bring me back to my senses.

After each bulky load was squeezed in behind the roller shutter door there was the excitement of trying to drive an obviously badly balanced vehicle. The sound of cascading items at each turn or motion of braking was disturbing but handling did remarkably improve with this sort of self adjustment process.

On a full rubbish run the attendants at the local Civic Amenity Site were suspicious about the brand new van with its contents and it took full disclosure of all of the hire documents to prove that we we just on a day to day rental and not running a house clearance or domestic refuse business.

It was with not a little sadness when the tail gate was closed and the tail lift stowed as myself, wife and son made the last journey after clearing out the old house.

Sat three abreast in the spacious cab none of us dare look back at what had been our precious home for all of those formative years.

The chill of the evening called for the very efficient German engineered heating system to be turned up on its settings and in doing so any residue of emotional tears was conveniently evaporated.