Riotous Assembly

The new table manners for families are being formulated as we speak.

There have been some massive cultural and social changes around the dinner table or in reality, the dining table no longer seems to form a centre point of family mealtimes and life.

I was brought up under the longstanding and respectful etiquette of a formal gathering for breakfast, weekend lunchtimes and 6pm tea at which the table was always spread with a cloth and the places set. I have actually just started to do this again to bring some stability and constancy to perhaps the most important meal of the day, breakfast. It is a bit of effort to do it but quite nice, civilised and it ensures that the family are adequately fuelled for their day, or at least, in my case until first choccy bar in my regular pre-elevenses snack.

Routine and manners at mealtimes are important but have come increasingly sidelined by the characteristics of modern life such as working patterns of the breadwinners, early school starts, commuting pressures and the habit of grazing our food.

The food company Goodfella's Pizza recently published the results of their survey on table manners taken amongst a sample of 2000 parents and 1000 children.

The outcome will come as a great disappointment to the generations who regarded and still regard sitting down for family meals as a sacred event.

It was not ,in my memory, a case of draconian measures at being summoned by my parents to wash hands, tidy ourselves up a bit and sit down with hands on our laps but a welcome and expected duty to show respect and gratitude for food on our plates.

Saying thanks through the formal Grace or one of those "through the teeth and through the gums, look out stomach here it comes" moments was a pleasure. We did not mind at all about sitting up straight as that aided the digestive processes.

As for the meal itself it was a case of eating it all up, even if sprouts, cabbage, broccoli and swede were not well liked by all. There was no choice because feeding a large family, as we were, took a big chunk of the family allowance and it was a constant challenge for our Mother to eke out the monies for the full weeks provisions.

We may have all thrown up a speech bubble about sending food to the starving children of Africa if we were told that it was a bad thing not to clear our plate when there was hunger in the world.

Use of implements in the correct manner was encouraged with knife and fork to be held firmly and not to attack siblings in any skirmishing actions for previous disagreements and tantrums. It may have been a great temptation to lick your knife clean but it was not the done thing. Polite conversation did take place and we all enjoyed catching up on everyone's news and plans but not at the expense of a fine spray of food being the inevitable consequence of a full mouth.

We would have many a joyous gathering at the table and manners and etiquette just followed naturally. There was no eating with hands. We asked for the salt, pepper and ketchup to be passed to us. We did not leave the table without parental permission even if there were pressing appointments with the TV, playing out with friends or just messing about after the rigours and demands of school.

To those say, under 40 years old, the foregoing may seem like a blast from the past, the remnants of a bygone age and a bit of a performance.

The Goodfellas survey seems to support this view of contemporary life with a resounding opinion of the sample group that keeping elbows off the table, not talking with your mouth full and fidgeting are unnecessary in the modern family set up.

In fact, any attempt by parents to implement manners was considered to be a major cause of argument and conflict with nearly half the time spent at the table being confrontational.

Those parents who insist on the old ways do so from their own upbringing and not because manners bring order to meal times.

In our plentiful existence 38% of the parents were of the view that they would not ask their offspring to finish up everything on their plates and half of the children disliked being told off for playing with their food. These aspects of the survey do clash with my generation but illustrate the emergence of a more eloquent and forceful younger generation.

What I do find very encouraging though is the opportunity that mealtimes still present for families to reconnect, laugh and enjoy each other's company even if ultimately chaotic, noisy and just a little bit
messy.