A recent newspaper report that caught my eye was that on the subject of the UK Citizenship Test and the fact that a high proportion of the resident population fared very poorly in answering the questions correctly.
I have give some thought to what should constitute a valid test based on modern life in this country, historic events and personalities, popular culture, sport and religion.
1. On old maps what colour was used to show the extent of the British Empire at its peak?
a) Pink b) Please not Pink c) Any colour other than pink d) Red
2. What is the correct order for making a cup of tea?
a) Tea bag, water, milk, sugar b) Water, tea bag, sugar, milk c) Milk, tea bag, sugar, water
3. If you order fish and chips, what sort of fish would you expect to be served?
a) Bream b) Cod c) Pollock d) Haddock
4. On finishing a McDonalds Drive-thru meal how do you deal with the packaging?
a) Throw it onto the street b) Throw it out of the moving car window c) Run it over
5. What coins are essential to use a telephone in a traditional kiosk?
a) Real ones b) Fake ones c) None because the phone is broken.
6. What chocolate is still made by a British owned company?
a) Nestle b) Cadbury c) Mars d) Thorntons
7. If you have an antimacassar in your home do you ?
a) Have no macassars b) Have an uncle macassar as well c) live in constant fear
8. The Scottish People are soon to vote on what?
a) Legalising deep fried chocolate bars b) Banning hunting of haggis c) A ballot paper
9. If you have a fifty pound note are you?
a) Supporting forgery gangs b) In charge of a colour photo-copier c) Unable to spend it
10. The alternative National Anthem of England is?
a) We are the Champions b) Three Lions c) That song by that chubby lass from the north
11. Which of these so called seaside towns actually fronts a river?
a) Cleethorpes b) Weston Super Mare c) Nairn d) All of these
12. The last night of the proms is what?
a) The last night of the proms b) The night the proms finish c) a waste of space
13. Can you recite any poems by Wordsworth?
a) Yes b) No
14. What did King Alfred famously do ?
a) Flunk cookery school b) Leave in the first round of Bake Off c) Burn some cakes
15. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was.......?
a) Father of Conan the Barbarian b) The curly haired one on The Professionals c) Pretentious
16. If you have a log burning appliance in your home you are..?
a) Lower middle class b) Upper working class c) A scavenger
17. Correctly colour code the wheelies bins in the correct order. General/Recycle/Food
a) Black/brown/blue b)Blue/black/brown c) Brown/blue/black
18. Which of the following is not the name of the inventor of that product?
a) Dyson b) Tunnocks c) Theakstons d) Multi Pack Flavoured Crisps
19. What is the biggest summit in Britain?
a) Snowdon b) Ben Nevis c) Summit Else d) Summit completely different
20. It's a braw, bricht, moonlicht nicht is what language?
a) German b) Dutch c) Swedish d) Scottish
21. The season of summer in England runs from....?
a) June to September b) 5th to 7th July c) 12 noon to 2pm d) Not sure
22. Which of the following number plate prefixes are European?
a) H b) LV c) PL d) F e) all of them
Answers on request.......yes, really.
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