Cheesy Tales

On the subject of Nicknames and their derivation the following is a transcript of a sketch broadcast on BBC 4Extra although I am not sure about its creators.

I apologise for the shameless exploitation of it for my own purposes and thank its originators.

Those present are two young boys in the school playground, one of them being a pale ginger haired youth and their female teacher.

Non-ginger lad (NGL), "Miss, miss, the football has gone over the fence onto the road, can we get it please"

Teacher (T)"No, you may not. Who was the careless one?"

NGL "Miss , it was Edam"

T "Edam, Edam- who is that?"

Ginger Lad (GL) "That's me Miss, they call me Edam, it's my nickname"

T "Edam? Your name is Malcolm, isn't it?

GL "Yes Miss, Malcolm Henry"

T "Why is it that they call you Edam then?"

GL "Well, Malcolm Henry can be shortened to Hen and Hens lay eggs. That gives Professor Eggs"

T "Ah, I see. There is a dairy connection of sorts"

GL "No. Eggs. They roll. Rolex make timepieces so they called me Watch. Bay Watch, Pamela Anderson-Pam then you get Jam, Lamb, tram,gram,wham, bam, Thank you Ma'm. That goes to ham or hamburger, hamburglar or shortened to burglar. To scare away burglars you leave a light on, brighton, bright, all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful, the Lord God made them all.....and made is Edam backwards. That's where my nickname, Edam comes from"

T "That's quite a story. I just thought it was because of your waxy yellow skin and red hair!"