Family History Part 5

The BBC recently ran a radio series with the help of the British Museum on 100 objects that shaped or contributed to the history of the world. These ranged from statues to coins and from toys to modern technology. I have tried to achieve the same sense of significance but in relation to our family for a few objects lying around the house currently or remembered from growing up.

Part 5. Scandinavian Furniture

A few bits of furniture get handed down through the family from one generation to another and between households within the close family and in-laws. It does take a lot of income and effort to fit out a house in order for it to operate as a going and growing concern. We have bought some items at Auction Sales, other second hand outlets and the rest on a cash purchase or interest free schemes from one or more of the out of town centre retail parks.

Not everything has survived but most items have served with distinction bearing the proud scars of shoe buckles, the scorch rings of cups of hot beverages, upended spillages of carbonated and soft drinks, fragments of crisps and random crumbled biscuits, various bodily fluids and age wrinkled leather cushions. The rubber-wood dining table and six chairs is just about holding out but has required some crude patching and bracing repairs using wedges of wood and glue to keep the legs straight and solid. One of the chairs is beyond salvage being very unstable and it is always a last minute manouevre to direct away friends and relatives intent on taking up that place setting in order to avoid injury, embarassment and a civil action.

The childrens bedrooms had started off in a pine furniture theme. The girls shared with matching single beds, heavy pine headboards and large carved acorns and the look was complimented by a large waxed pine wardrobe and chest of drawers. Our son, perhaps ahead of his time, got a metal fabrication of high level bed accessible by a vertical ladder with upholstered sofa bed and a ledge desk below. The altitude at which he slept was quite close to the ceiling and must, on reflection, have been quite a terrifying and lonely experience being so detached from the rest of the household.

The decision was made on practical and stylish grounds to go for the Swedish range through IKEA. A store had opened up beyond Leeds, some distance from home but very easy to get to on the M62 motorway. We had not experienced anything like it before, well not since the Habitat store closed in Hull. The IKEA store was huge. A low, sprawling retail shed painted corporate blue and with flashes of yellow from the National flag and colours.

We were unsure of how to proceed from the wide, bright entrance but were soon swept up in the relentless stream of customers, some determined purchasers and those just out for the day. The children grabbed handfuls of the small unfinished wood pencils and the tape measures and us parents followed shouldering a large in-store shopping bag. Whether very clever marketing or the only way to fit the stock under one roof the progress through the building was tortuous along very winding and quite disorientating pathways. The Scandanavians may well have modelled the store on a typical mythical journey through the mountain passages of their uplands or the densely packed forests of the hinterland. I was getting quite dizzy and woozy under the artificial lighting and atmosphere. Again, very clever or practical is the location of the cafe/restaurant and rest area midway along the quest through the store. A bit like a very welcome leafy glen during an arduous trek.

On first impression the room displays and assembled furniture was very striking. Not altogether surprising for a nation known for its innovative design and flair through such brands as Volvo, Saab, Dime Bars, Abba and pornography. We marked off in our catalogue those pieces that would go well in the childrens rooms. There were cabin beds with clever concealed storage for toys, clothes and bedding. Desks could take a PC and TV and with shelf and drawer space so that the children would not ever have to leave their rooms until for University. We speculated on a large display unit for the dining room. We left that day with nothing apart from countless pencils, tape measures and night lights.

A few days later I returned in, yes, you guessed it, the Volvo estate car to purchase and collect a long list of furnishings. It was only after struggling to push the largest trolley to the checkout that I realised the potential problem of getting the whole lot into the car. I would have to flatten all the seats and squash my chest cavity to the steering wheel to get maximum load bay depth. I looked at my son who had come along to help and wondered if IKEA had something like an overnight creche. Although all in flat pack boxes some were exceptionally long. It was a bit like a reverse Jenga game to load, unload, re-arrange, swear, load, recover my son from under the packaging, load, move son again and so on until the trolley was empty and the tailgate could very carefully be lowered and pressed shut. My son was somewhere behind the flat passenger seat. If I avoided heavy braking I would get him home in one piece.

The car tyres were, under the laden weight, almost rubbing in the wheel arches. The car was dangerously and recklessly overloaded. Fortunately it was now 9pm on a winters evening and my chances of attracting the attention of the motorway police was much reduced. My vehicle would have warranted a full 30 minute slot on STOP POLICE!. The journey home was very cautious. I averaged 56 mph and the in car computer recorded my best ever fuel economy at 66mpg which was unprecedented.

The assembly from flat packs was equally traumatic. The operation took up a whole room plus overspill. The generation of litter and waste was frightening. Clear and plain English instructions were very helpful and the diagrams easy to follow. Slowly and not altogether surely the 'whatever' would emerge from the one dimension into a full multi dimensional shape. Tricky bits included fitting in the shelves and the flexible sides and backs. As each piece of furniture was assembled and then moved to its resting place I noticed quite a collection of residual bolts, screws, nails, plastic fittings and metal widgets type things. Was this a matter for concern? Eventually all rooms were furnished. The composition was mainly veneer covered chipboard but there was still a very pleasant aroma of freshly cut wood. Eyes closed we could well have been in a forest anywere between Stockholm and Uppsala.

From the first day of use the IKEA furniture started to gradually fall apart.

Last weekend marked the demise of the last stubborn IKEA item. I struggled up the metal steps at the Civic Amenity Site with the violently dismantled parts of the 'Billy Bookcase' before launching them into the huge waste skip. As I glanced into the gloom I was certain that, but in no particular order, the whole of Aisle D section 4 of the Leeds IKEA store had been relocated to the same fate.