The Art of Seduction in Chocolate

I can be controversial if I want to be.

It may be a case of "no more Mister Nice Guy"if I feel particularly strongly about something in my life, surroundings or in the wider world.

Let's face it, there is considerable upheaval and strife across the globe with much cause for concern.

One specific issue has really given me a lot of angst in recent weeks. It may not sit well with many of you but I must state categorically, and from first hand experience that the lady does not love Milk Tray.

In fact, in the hierarchy of boxes of chocolate that a man can buy for that special women in his life I would say that Milk Tray is pretty low down, perhaps third or fourth division and bordering on non-league status.

 First issue relates to the packaging. There is the classic deep blue colour which is a characteristic of the manufacturer Cadbury and over the years the lid has been embellished with floral designs, brightly embossed piping detail and quite gawdy swirls. Classic it may be but cheap it definitely looks.

Second issue are the chocolates themselves with very little having changed since the product first appeared in UK shops in 1915. All of the favourites are there with praline, hazelnut whirl, fudge, strawberry delight, orange truffle and that detestable Turkish Delight although now whether due to political correctness or to comply with Place of Origin legislation this is now called Exotic Delight.

It was a surprise to me to learn that Milk Tray is still one of the nation's favourites with annual sales of over 8 million boxes a year.

This must be due in a large part to the clever marketing  from 1968 to 2003 using a James Bond type character referred to as The Milk Tray Man.

There were, in this period some nineteen adverts with fantastical story boards of intrigue, suspense, mystery and allure culminating in the elusive dark clad figure performing implausible stunts and all to leave a box of chocolates under that strap-line "And all because the lady loves milk tray" before disappearing in the nick of time out of a window (typically involving a parachute jump from a precipice).

These dramatic representations could be no farther than the actual reality of a husband, boyfriend or lover purchasing the item at a petrol station or late night convenience store before discarding it on the back seat of the car, or perhaps sneaking the lid open to extract one of the nicer praline treats whilst driving.

The most hazardous experience may be paralell parking the car or not falling over kid's toys on the front lawn.

There can be an attempt to conceal the now rather battered box of chocolates behind your back or just thrust it into the lap of the recipient whilst they are watching "The Only Way is Essex" or "Downton Abbey" on iplayer .

Seeing the Cadbury livery very rarely excites passion or wild abandon rather a withering stare that can be translated into "so you couldn't stretch to Ferrero Rocher or oversized Toblerone then?"

The level of sales do indicate a generation of men impressionable and gullible to the association with James Bond. The period of the adverts, incidentally involving six actors, did coincide with the baby boomers, by then in full time employment, reasonably affluent and in stable relationships with chocolate in boxed or loose form being a main weapon in their armoury of seduction and charm.

The product has however been firmly entrenched in UK culture over the last 100 years and that has led to the the new TV campaign to seek out a new Milk Tray Man.

The job description appears quite clear

"The successful applicant will take on the coveted job as the Milk Tray Man. This will see the chosen individual become the face of Cadbury Milk Tray. As part of the job you may be required to partake in PR, Social Media and TV marketing activity throughout 2016. The contract will last for the entire year."

I will refrain from applying not just because of my family and work commitments but because of my fear of heights, flights in helicopters and an allergic reaction to anything resembling a polo neck jumper.