I have worked in an office for the last 30 plus years.
I should mention that it is a small office and I am in fact rarely there in person as my job involves a lot of driving out to appointments.
Being sat at a desk rather than behind a steering wheel is such a rare occurrence that I really enjoy it and also the interaction and camaraderie of my fellow workers. We are a close, compact team and as we often comment, we spend more time in each others company than we do our own families.
I can think of nothing worse therefore than a mega. open plan, Corporate office where the employees are in confrontation in their daily workloads and where politics and back-biting are a necessity to get ahead or to just maintain a position in an ancient hierarchical order.
Such is the environment of the dreaded jargon and management speak where the main protagonists use it relentlessly to make their own jobs and roles more important and impressive than they actually are.
Informed studies of this phenomena have attributed its widespread use as a means of disguising a poorly implemented job or to give the impression that the individual knows what they are doing but, the superficial hot air aside, do not.
We have all been in meetings where management speak has made us cringe or confused in equal proportions.
Here is a bit of a collection of those doing the rounds in a modern office surround.
I have omitted to give an interpretation or translation of these as they are largely self explanatory, or if not, are just a fascinating insight into how those who have the luxury of many idle hours can funnel it into the production of bullshit.
Helicopter View
Idea Shower
Touch base offline
Low hanging fruit
Look under the bonnet
Get all your ducks in a row
Don’t let the grass grow too long on this one
Not enough bandwidth
The strategic staircase
Run it up the flagpole
Put a record on and see who dances
Square the circle
Lifting the kimono
Product Evangelist
We need a holistic cradle to grave approach
Sprinkling our magic
From the get-go
We want 110%
Capture your colleagues
We are still optimistic that things will feed through the sales and delivery pipeline
My door is open on this issue
High altitude view
Wouldn’t want to wrongside the demographic
On a go forward basis
Can someone give me some colour on this post ?
I concur
Touch base
Circle up
Can you roll these changes through the model ?
If I could piggy back on what I was just saying
Maybe someone could just unpack that a little more
We must crank it up a bit
The only caveat is……….
At the end of the day
It is what it is
Talk to that point
Get our arms around that
We are in the business of creating synergies
Shift those graphs
Massage the red dots
Why don’t you go ahead and take a stab at that and get back to me ?
We will work through the night to get this to you first thing in the morning
Get a download
What’s the time line ?
Vanilla strategy
Apples to apples, apples to oranges
We have to drill down through the numbers
Deep dive
Do you have capacity to model this out to year 2329 ?
Who’s your Daddy
Lets not hammer a dead horse
Let’s not reinvent the wheel
Shoot me an e mail
So and so pinged me last night
Adding value
Pari passu
Ready. Fire, aim
Out of pocket
Shit flows downhill
Roadmap
Let’s huddle on this one
Ramp up
Net net
They shouldn’t be afraid to call a spade, a spade
We need to get this done PDQ
Lets grab the bull by its horns
Lets make the stars and the moon align
Keep your oar in the water
I think this would be a good exercise for you
Whats the game plan ?
Let’s take a 25,000 foot view
ETA’s
We need to noodle this a little
Something we can all aspire to
Take ownership
Be the bulldog
Circling the wagons
Too leveraged
There’s more grease left in this pig
On the same page
The interns are taking over
Lets gets some seamless
JFDI
We need to organise deliverables
Knowledge transfer
Identifying core competencies for holistic improvement
Transition phase
Restructuring initiative
Great thread
War room
Net worth or nothing
Cack me nimble
My question to you is…….
Don’t spin your wheels
The meat and potatoes of the matter
Senior exposure
Gin up on the model
Step it up now boys and girls
Don’t be afraid to push back if you’re feeling overloaded
Just the tip
Does that make sense
No worries, let’s update and get it out to the group
Pls, asap, thx
Feel free to reach out to me
Epic fail or Epic win
Smilin’ and dialin’
Does this thing have legs ?
Talk the talk
Turn into a pumpkin
Pencils down
In the weeds
Just so you know where I’m coming from
Read the tea leaves
Wrapped around the axle
Can you arrange this data along swim lanes
Let’s put on our training hats for a minute
Drop fenders and come alongside
What’s the long pole in the tent
You’re fired
There are just so many that I didn't even have to mention about Blue Sky thinking or running things up a flagpole.
Send me anymore that you may have via the comments section...................................
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