Tuesday 25 February 2020

Batter Eating Guide

I wrote this in 2013 and what better time than Shrove Tuesday or commonly known as Pancake Day to give it another airing................................enjoy, as they say

Noshtalgia- The term has been around a while but there seems to have been a very recent upsurge in reminiscences of, and even more than that, a hankering for the food of our younger, formative years.

It comes down to a comfort thing.

We feel under siege from recession, the credit crisis, Brexit, Just Eat TV campaigns and an uncertainty about what it is that actually makes up our Supermarket purchases.

I was, in my early years, assured by the media, Tomorrows World, James Burke and the like in particular that my following decades in employment would be characterised by abundant leisure time due to technological advancements and smart working and that other empty promise of a paperless office.

This premonition of the future also included the likelihood of not only one job for life but being able to retire at, what seemed to me then, a ripe old age of 55 years. I could also look forward to a life expectancy much enhanced by developments in health and nutrition and live on a big, fat, inexhaustible pension fund. I did take on board and believe this model for my senior years. It sustained me when I felt sad at work.

Of course, I also looked forward to, but did not fully expect to, live on the Moon and commute to Earth in my own spaceship. I was after all, like many of my generation, expecting to get that Jet Pack we were all promised. The journey to and from work will have been spectacular if you just timed it to avoid rush hour.

Amongst all of this speculation and wish-listing there remains a constant. This is the food that we ate when we were younger and it is this craving for a stable, untarnished and wholesome thing in our current lives that has led to the Noshtalgia movement.

It is a movement.

It may even be subversive and prove to be divisive in society. It may all boil down to those who "home-cook" and those who "take-away". A bit of an Animal Farm or Lord of the Flies definition in a modern context.


This is not a theory to be easily dismissed.

It is a fact , in our current lifestyles and comparative well-offness that, for the first time in a couple of centuries the wealthy people are thin and the poorer of us are fat. This is based on diet mainly. The wealthy can afford to buy fresh and nourishing foods and ironically work off any excess calories at a gym or through a healthy lifestyle generally whilst budgetary constraints on the rest of the population dictate the purchase of cheap, filling, starchy, stodgy and glutinous meals which sit heavy and discourage any energetic activity. Another irony is that a poor diet creates health problems and does not do a lot for our body shapes, self esteem and confidence. This in turn can put a strain on the National Health Service and in our own lives and relationships.

Noshtalgia recalls a time when none of these problems were present in our lives, or perhaps not even consciously known or perceived of as a catalyst to depression and, that hard to describe feeling of 'not being right in myself'' as is often overheard in a conversation.

We are now trying hard to be happy through food.

The viewing ratings for TV cookery and related programmes are very buoyant, similarly the sale of recipe and cook books.

However, there is a knowledge gap and kitchen skills shortage to be made up on our part because a good proportion of us were deprived of Domestic Science in our education as this perceived 'soft' option was expelled in favour of more languages and the sciences.


Between those halcyon childhood days of cooking with our Mothers and now actually having our own kitchens there has been a starvation of practical learning.

Ask yourself these questions.

1) How long to boil an egg for a perfect dipping yolk?
2) What are the ingredients for a perfect pancake batter?
3) How do you make a sponge cake?
4) What is the correct oven setting to roast a chicken?
5) How long do carrots take to cook?

In my age group I would expect a 40% correct answer rate. In the over 50's this would be 75% to full marks. Any age groups below mine- well, big fat zero, zilch, or 'where is the flyer from the High Street Take-away?'

I do not undermine those in the age ranges below me because they show good promise and intention to learn how to cook but have been spoilt by fast food and their own parents, themselves victims of the school curriculum and convenience food.

The current parent groups below 45 years old have been the most to suffer from the snapping of the apron strings in the home kitchen and the demise of Home Economics lessons. They have also had, arguably, a more difficult time in reaching that stable stage in life of home ,hearth, employment and incomes which allows cooking to be more of a pastime than a chore.

Let's just admit it now. School Cookery lessons were not a great technical challenge. My own experiences in the Cookery Room  amounted to monotonous, regular manufacture of rock-hard Rock Cakes, the forerunner of what we know today as a Pizza and most ambitiously a plate of Spaghetti Bolognese. Actual production of gourmet meals was not the intention of structured education in the kitchen. It was intended to make us confident to use a whisk, saucepan, ladle, hob and oven and to handle and fashion basic fare out of staple foods. I also learned that a big angry and noisy dog, behind a garden gate on the way home from cookery, can be placated by a serving of Italian pasta in sauce thrown into its view and play for a few hours with a heavy, speckled lump of part cooked dough based fare that could easily be confused, by said hound, with a pig's trotter.

The learning process is being kick-started by the Noshtalgia movement and that can only be a good thing.

We can begin with a few basic meals.

Roast that chicken, slow-cook a beef or lamb joint, boil a ham, grill a steak, warm up some beans, poach an egg, griddle a piece of fish, steam some vegetables, stir fry any leftovers, barbecue, broil, stew and ambitiously, perhaps once confit in duck fat. Microwave or Boil in the Bag absolutely nothing.

Gradually confidence will grow and from there the world is your oyster (other sea-foods are available- check with your local fishmonger).


We will no longer be afraid of foreign sounding terminology, we will embrace both gas and electric hobs, fan and convector ovens and champion sitting around and eating at a table, talking and enjoying the company of family, friends and strangers. We will feel better in ourselves and more able to cope with the rigours, demands and stresses of modern life.

Ah, Noshtalgia. Things ate what they used to be.

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