English Lesson 13

One of the many daytime BBC digital radio re-runs that I find myself laughing out aloud at is "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue" which is a very long running improvisational comedy show which over its many decades has featured the very best in comedic and entertainment talent.

A regular feature in the show is the offering by the participants of definitions of words towards the Uxbridge English Dictionary.

For any student of the English Language this must be most confusing as although the donor word is a bona fide one the meaning as described is only intended to elicit laughter or gasps of shock and awe.

Here is a bit of a compilation of definitions either broadcast since its launch in 1972 or just held in a remarkable database produced by Kevin Hale, undoubtedly the greatest fan and authority on the subject.

Amazingly we are up to the 13th letter of the alphabet, "M" which is a very rich source indeed of mirth and entertainment. Again, some may be offended by the following, some of which come from a different era of political and other correctness.

Missive- Afrikaans for very big

Mystery- a bit like a Man

Minsk- a rather camp Russian walk

Mississippi- the wife of Mr Sippi

Muzzletof- an Injunction on a member of the upper classes

Measles- what artists put their canvas on for a self portrait

Miasma- a very personal health complaint

Mastiff- a bit of a to-do during a Church Service

Mish Mash- Sean Connery is late for Church

Maisonette- a very small Chief Constable

Meritritious- followed by "and a Happy New Year"

Moustache- I've really gotta go

Morass- heard from the Director of a Strip-show

Margate- the mother of all scandals

Mytosis- whats on the end of my footsis

Marmite- although Father is always a bit reluctant

Mushrooms- what Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen does

Miniscule- where toddlers go to in Liverpool

Mucus- bad language from cats

Midwifery- half way through breaking wind

Malady- a bit like a male duck

Migraine- a proud farmer out in a field of wheat

Manifold- origami

Maritime- wedding day for a sailor

Martini- a small supermarket

Mosquito- the process of leaving a place after prayers

Melancholy- a rather fat sheep dog

Meander- she and I

Merciful- Liverpool is at risk of flooding

Mendacity- urban renewal

Microfiche- a sardine

Mutate- an art gallery for cows

Marsupial- a favourite family recipe using congers

Morbid- what an auctioneer says when the going is slow

Macadam- the first Scotsman in creation

Motorist- repetitive strain injury for drivers

Mischief- Head Girl

Macaroni- the inventor of the pasta wireless

Merseyside- the killing of a scouser

Mobster- an criminalised crustacean

Mumps- heaps of unwanted mothers

Moreover- a very fat dog

Multiple- too many glasses of wine

Myth- a female moth

Manoevre- an easy to use vacuum cleaner for men

Microbe- a very small clothes cupboard

Mascot- where Catholic babies sleep

Mountaineer- very specialist Taxidermy

Megawatt- asking for clarification of something in a noisy room

Mistake- regretting becoming a Vegan

Malicious- something nasty but tasty