Exploitation

The two men, perspiring heavily in their overalls on such a warm day, took up the slack on their ropes and slowly and surely extricated the carcass of the bloated cow out of the horsebox and down the cerrated ramp onto the muck, blood and urine stained concrete apron in front of my car. My son watched in a vague expression which effectively disguised his actual horror and disbelief at what he had just witnessed. I decided at that exact point in time that I would not take a child of mine to work with me ever again. If I had had any prior indication that I was visiting a large scale maggot factory I would have parked out on the roadside. My oath at that time was of course a  rash promise if ever there was one. The inevitable outcome of two parents working is that child care has to be shared on a rota basis. Grandparents could be called upon when the schedules of my wife and myself made it impossible to dedicate the necessary time and attention to our three young children. This makes us sound like absolutely terrible parents but given the worst case scenario, of just leaving the children locked in at home on their own with a packet of cream crackers in complete illegality, we were certainly trying our best. I was in a better position to take the children to work with me. If I was confined to the office then our small creche would come into operation. This consisted of the attic store room with a box of crayons, lots of scrap A4 paper and a small plastic toy treehouse, the origins of which I have no idea. The children were supplied with snacks and had plenty of drinks. I could easily place my hand over the phone speaker if, during a conversation with a client, a small voice expressed a need for a wee-wee. If I was out on appointments then the children were packed into the car, usually with our two dogs behind in the luggage compartment separated by  folding bars. I made sure upon parking up to go on a job that there were plenty of liquids and air in the vehicle. However, it is amazing how much CO2 is expelled by five living creatures in a Volvo over a half hour time period. On my return the windows would be heavily steamed up and with an accompanying indistinct odourised vapour which took some minutes to clear with the ventilation system and heated rear window on full. If I had to park in sight of the property that I was inspecting or in plain view of the home-owners then I was heartened by their warm welcomes and offer for the children to come and sit in the house. I declined their very kind invitation in respect of their decor and floor coverings. On one inspection I had parked the car and its precious occupants just outside. They seemed very content with a cassette of songs, plenty of books and a replenished stock of drink cans and goodies. About ten minutes into my investigatory work at the bungalow the doorbell rang. I carried on but was called to the door by the house-owner. He asked if I knew the child on the doorstep. My eldest daughter stood there and requested my presence at the car as her brother was bleeding. I apologised profusely to the man before dashing to find a small boy with a gashed finger from the ring pull of a coca-cola can. I had to abandon the job to seek medical attention. The full compliment of bodies in the car represented a cash-cow to the village shops in the area. We will have single-handedly sustained a number of sweet shops, fish and chip shops and general stores throughout East Yorkshire for many years. There was of course a very strong educational content to any of the going to work with Dad days. If the job involved a vacant and unfurnished house and away from neighbourhood watch areas then my children would actively assist in a survey. We jointly experienced some very interesting houses and I really enjoyed explaining why the only toilet was outside, why the sky could be seen through the bedroom ceiling, the difference between annobium punctatum and other infestations, why mouse droppings should not be mistaken for california raisins on the basis of taste only and getting the children to collectively flush the loo before all rushing downstairs and out into the garden to see the water coursing through the open manhole with, whatever was stuck up the pipe emerging to, shouts of delight. I do believe that this frontline experience led to my eldest daughters' interest in buildings and her current year out in New York working for an architectural practice. My youngest daughter still recounts her memories of specific properties or things she saw. My son still talks with hilarity over his accompanying me around a Freemasons Lodge and seeing for himself the  ceremonial room, vestments and paraphenalia of that secretive society. The actual time spent in the car may well have been, on the whole, excruciatingly and mind-numbingly boring for the active minds of young children. No doubt child psychologists will allude to problems of commitment and concentration in later life to the post traumatic stress of living a feral existence with dogs. I expect, any second, for there to be a knock at the door and to be taken away for child cruelty. I walk to my car half prepared to be approached by a phalanx of paparrazzi asking me about the exploitation of my own children and did I not know that under the Factories Act of 1833 it was illegal to employ children younger than 9. I have a witty response to these accusations. The quoted legislation, did they not know, only applied to children in the textile industry and not in the surveying profession. Dumbfounded they left in search of another gangmaster type but dragging my wheelie bin with them, papers blowing everywhere.