I only popped into the Supermarket to get a loaf of bread and a pint of milk .
Such a simple operation was hindered by the mass ranks of doting husbands at the check-outs with basket loads of Valentines Day gifts and goodies.
It must have been the first time that some of them had been allowed to venture into that particular shop on their own because, frankly, their sense of direction and overall etiquette were sorely lacking.
I knew where I was going with steely determination because I had served my shopping apprenticeship with distinction but meandering, vague and impressionable menfolk let loose in a strange environment wreaked havoc with conventional clockwise or anti-clockwise protocol.
A bright and strikingly packaged item would draw their attention momentarily before a discernible shudder from horror and disbelief in the realisation that it was a pack of sanitary towels or other female consumer products.
They may well have come in with a single minded purpose. In between live football and the late night news on any of the preceding days they will have been reminded by a glossy Tv advertising campaign about the rapid approach of the important day.
What better affirmation of their romantic side than to buy that complete meal with starter, main course, dessert, bottle of wine and heart shaped chocolates and at an amazingly concessionary price of £20 all in.
Each queueing male seemed to have the same ideas on wooing and entertaining with a remarkable similarity in the choice of , otherwise quite a reasonable range of dishes in the 'dine in' promotion.
Top starter was obviously Coquilles St Jaques with recyclable sea-shells perhaps seen as a poor relation but acceptable substitution for Oysters. The main course of popular choice was on the same seafood theme comprising 2 whole Sea Bass with Coriander and Red Chilli Butter and a side of gastropub chunky chips (his particular favourite style). A nicely shaped packaged dessert entitled Triple Choc Heaven was flying out of the chiller cabinet and a nice bottle of Tierra Y Hombre Sauvignon blanc would apparently, according to the label legend ,go with just about anything. In a seemingly win-win scenario the free box of white chocolate hearts could be wrapped up in the car whilst parked in that blind spot on the house driveway and passed off as an actual gift.
Whilst my overwhelming feeling was that of frustration over the unnecessarily long time it took to get through to pay at the till I was actually quite proud that British men were making a bit of an effort in the love stakes.
This was against a backdrop of relentless pressure to conform and perform with the stereotypical male depicted in the likes of Cosmo and Bella magazines or in popular fiction- damn you Christian Grey, may your goolies shrivel up and fall off.
Still, every man in that shop, with no exceptions, was prepared to accept the consequences of failure on this 14th February. This was evident from the nestling in the base of their baskets of a packet of cheesy wotsits and a bottle of premium beer just in case it was going to be a quiet, lonely evening.
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