Rock of Ages

Anyone buying a house from our family will be mystified by the geological composition of the back garden.

In the distant future, Mayan predictions, stray meteors, global warming , ice age and the persistence of a civilisation permitting , any analysis of the rock fragments in the location formerly occupied by our back garden will cause confusion and excitement in equal measures. The variety of rocks, stones, pebbles and fossils in situ would appear to suggest a fantastical force of natural power that has traversed the world in both northern and southern hemispheres collecting up only aesthetically pleasing shapes of igneous, sedimentary and metamorphic rocks before simultaneously depositing them in a specific spot where there is the same family name somewhere in the Deeds of ownership.

The process behind this strange phenomena is not glacial, tidal, volcanic or extra-terrestrial but because of the habit of a small boy, now a middle aged man, to find and bring home bits of geology from his travels, whether coming back from the corner shop or the far ends of the planet.

The habit started very early, perhaps unwittingly from a pebble scooped up in a saggy nappy from a crawling and rolling adventure in the great outdoors. Then with the introduction of pockets in toddler clothes there were perfect receptacles to be filled indiscriminately with pea gravel, aggregate and slate chippings. Learning to write was greatly assisted by the availability of natural chalk-stone, smooth and warm to the touch but readily sharpened by use on the pavement, garden and house walls. Some pieces were just too nice to use because of an interesting shape and texture and were the basis of the first collection. With chalk stones there always seemed to be the hard black fragments of flint close to hand. These were quite sharp and dangerous and if clashed together a shower of sparks and the smell of burning could be produced.

School projects on the history of the earth excited an interest in fossils. Just how many appendages were there to produce such a proliferation of devils toe-nails? The fossils displayed in gift shops were always so dramatic and perfect. It became a life's obsession to discover at least one of those plain lumpy rocks that, when smashed open revealed coloured crystals in concentric circles around a hollow core. Excavation of an old railway cutting had led to the discovery of a large fossilised shelled creature embedded in clay which was dragged home to take up pride of place in the growing collection.

Seaside holidays were a great source of collectable stones and pebbles. Flat, smooth examples would be sent skimming across the pools, shallows and over the incoming waves. Avid attention was necessary to count, record and loudly broadcast the number of clear skims before the pebble sank  from view or just dribbled along in rapid short hops. Beating the best by siblings had to be acheived before any thoughts or moves could be made about going home. Some skimming stones were just too good to be thrown and were thrust into sandy pockets, later to be heard tumbling around the twin tub amongst the family wash on the monday following.

Scout camps in the English Lakes, Wales and Derbyshire swelled the collection. It was found that a cardigan tied around the waist with sleeves knotted at the cuff could act as a receptacle for almost an equivalent body weight of granite,silica and iron-pyrites colloquially known as fools gold. The fatigue of the young Boy Scout over the course of one expedition in the mountains of North Wales caused concern amongst the Group Leaders until the realisation of the sheer weight of rocks that he was transporting about his person. The return from camp posed a dilemna for the boys parents over whether to take the car or hitch up the trailer in anticipation of a new collection of rocks and stones.

In adult life there were no such restraints on the volume and mass of materials to be accumulated apart from airline baggage restrictions, customs regulations and where specific locations were designated World Heritage Sites or areas of protected natural environments. The rocks and pebbles soon overwhelmed shelves, cills, ledges and table-tops. In the course of a house move there were inevitable losses or reluctant abandonment to the garden and flower beds.

The current collection is largely to be found around a small fountain at the rear of the current family home. This includes smooth marble from the Greek Islands, pebbles from the Atlantic coast of Portugal, granite from Skye, Jet from Whitby, amber from Cornwall, opal from Australia and what has widely been suspected as petrified sheep droppings from Northumberland sitting nicely amongst those ever present devils toenails.

In bright sunlight and under the rainbow arch of the fountain the arrangement of rocks, pebbles and stones resembles the planet earth as seen from outer space.

(reproduced and edited a bit from February 2012 on account of a 325 road trip including Scarborough, Withernsea and Nottingham)