Keep and treasure.
Hand down to family or friends.
Sell on E Bay.
Donate to a worthy cause.
Take to the tip.
Populate a car boot sale .
Just give away.
Return to rightful owners after protracted period of loan.
Leave on the garden wall with a hand written notice to relocate.
Destroy wantonly and with relish.
These ten courses of action, not in any order, have formed the policy for the systematic decluttering of the family house of 18 years occupancy ahead of its sale.
With two calendar days but realistically 36 hours left to vacate the premises we have had to ramp up the process somewhat.
I have mentioned in previous writings about the large skip which was parked on the road over the last weekend. It was entirely apt that the large metal vessel was of 18 something units so therefore one unit per year of residence.
It was well used. On the evening before it was scheduled to be picked up I expressed concerns over the ability of the collection truck to physical hoist it up on chains onto the flat load bay. I need not have worried because overnight and in the short window of opportunity in daylight before collection a vast horde of organised individuals descended on the skip and extracted shiny and malleable objects and ,in the eye of the beholder, anything of perceived scrap value.
I was actually a bit embarrased when the driver from the waste transfer depot queried whether a 10 something unit would have sufficed given the low level of materials deposited.
Some choice items of our house clearance have been reserved for one of our scavenger neighbours who has been of almost vigilante status over the skip. He lives in the scruffiest house in the street what with the piles of scrap timber and the wreck of a car forming an interesting scheme of garden landscaping in full view of passers by and visitors to our town. Perhaps a candidate for an eco display at a future Chelsea Show.
He will of course have the last laugh being largely self suffcient in combustible material for the foreseeable future.
Much of our accumulated car boot sale stock found its way into the skip. It had been tested on the market and had found no willing takers and so could legitimately be dumped. I got it wrong, I admit now, about the demand for elephant dung paper.
My wife has been very busy on E Bay and successful sales of surplus furniture have meant a regular procession of callers to the door to pick up their purchases. Folk have travelled from some reasonable distance in Yorkshire in pursuit of that bargain, be it an IKEA desk, an IKEA chair, an IKEA glass and backlit display cabinet or in fact anything with Swedish design credentials.
I have been involved in local deliveries to successful bidders. A mirror to an Indian lady, a bike frame to a gangly youth, more Scandinavian self assembly furniture to cottages and estate houses and a collection of crockery oddments to a well to do address in a leafy city suburb.
The sending out of smaller packages has, in my experience, highlighted some considerable differences in the attitude of Post Mistresses towards the E Bay exponent. Some regard my grinning arrival at their window as an inconvenience or a chore whilst others have gone that extra bit to be helpful and with a cheery attitude.
Not naming names but Thorngumbald PO figured badly in my personal consumer ratings whilst Greenwood Avenue were exceptional. Reticence to embrace E-sales is altogether disappointing given that that the Post Office appears to be experiencing a boom time and it is down to the individual E Bay sellers and not much else.
Priority has been given to hand me downs to family and friends. It is nice to keep things in that circle but we have made it clear that speculative selling on and any prospect of profiteering is to be encouraged.
Donations to charity have not proven as easy as you may think. Our High Streets are dominated by sales outlets for national, regional, local and specialist causes but I have borne the brunt of a bit of reluctance from the staff of volunteers to be offered a mixture of items, albeit eminently saleable.
I have been selective in who gets what. This is not based on any specific criteria but more out of self interest as I have concerns, in the following order for my prostate, heart, offspring, potential carcinogenic things, world welfare and any looming prospect of dementia. and any looming prospect of dementia. Sorry, cheap and politically insensitive and incorrect statement. and any looming dementia.
Large donations cause a panic as to whether a van is available for pick up or if there is space in the lock up shop. Only one of the major Charities got me to register eligibility for them to reclaim tax on any actual sales acheived. Perhaps the others thought I was just donating rubbish.
A small box sits forlornly on the landing full of things that we know we have borrowed but we cannot recall from whom. We will just take this with us on the house move, invite everyone in our address book to a warming and hope that they may notice and reclaim their possessions.
Passers by have been understandably suspicious about anything offered for free on the garden wall. A few, with hands on a particular item, have retracted in case they are being captured on film for subsequent release on You Tube, Candid Camera or similar.
I have resisted wanton destruction of miscellaneous things but it may have been fun, particularly given the risk of starting a wild fire in the current climatic conditions.
Whatever the route of redistribution of personal effects it has been an interesting exercise and I can recommend it as much as probably colonic irrigation, squeezing a zit or picking a scab. Have fun!
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