Bubonic Plaguarism

Sometimes I just run out of my own words or time or usually a combination of both when I am putting together my daily blog.

 In such instances I usually revert to the fallback option of re-issuing one of the 1200 or so from the last three years or cobble together something from another source.

Today, I am using a wonderful book called 'Mangled English' by Gervase Phinn given as a Christmas present by family which is a humorous investigation of the English language in all of its intricacies and idiosyncrasies which escape us as native speakers and confound those seeking to learn as a second tongue. The contents range from acronyms and bacronyms to mnemonics and malaproprisms, unusual words and epitaphs to graffiti and spoonerisms.

The world has, at last count, 2700 languages and these are quite fluid in nature with The Oxford English Dictionary having nearly a million words which are added to annually by three hundred new words.

One section of the book which appealed to me was provided by book shop owners and traders.

They regularly receive requests by customers for books based on the most incomplete titles, barest facts and vaguest of descriptions.

Here is a selection of the best ones which must challenge and flummox even the most aware and astute proprietors of book shops.

"The Great Gas Bill " by Scott Fitzgerald

"The Adventures of Huckleberry Hound" by Mark Twain

"The Girl with the Dragon and Baboon" by Stieg Larsson

"Colour me Purple" by Alice Walker

"Harry Potter and the Chamberpot secret" by J K Rowling

"Satanic Nurses" by Salman Rushdie

"Tess of the Dormobiles" by Thomas Hardy

"Lionel Ritchie and his Wardrobe" by C S Lewis

"Tequila Mockingbird" by Harper Lee

"Lord of the Files" by William Golding

"She stoops to Conga" by Oliver Goldsmith

"Major Morelli's Violin" by Louis de Bernieres

"The Dinosaur Cookbook" by Dinah Shore

"Useless" by James Joyce

"The Communist Man's a Fatso" by the Communist Party

"Death in Denial" by Agatha Christie

"Donkey Oats" by Miguel de Cervantes

"Catch her in the eye" by J D Salinger

"Olive or Twist" by Charles Dickens

"The brothers carry them off" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

"Ann, Karen and Nina" by Tolstoy

"The Odd Sea" by Homer

Thanks to Mr Phinn the book compiler I can take a bit of the afternoon off on New Years Day.