Scotland; Bite ma Shorts!

Some of the best ever holidays that we, as a family, have enjoyed have been in late summer and early autumn in Scotland.

It is a great time of the year to visit with an often indian sub-continental climate and a few less northern european tourists in camper vans. The natural light is paler and mellow which, with the turning of the broadleaved trees and heather really emphasises the beauty of the mountains, glens and lochs.

Of course, all of this appreciation and sightseeing must be completed when it is raining or before dusk because when dry and after the light has faded is when Scotland reverts to the insect kingdom and the miniscule but mighty blood thirsty midge.

In the purpley fading light of a sunset behind a backdrop of the most fantastic scenery it is necessary to light up the 3-Tigers smoke producing tapers, immerse yourself in insect repellent or doctor yourself with oral medication and even seriously consider taking up high tar cigarettes for the duration of any vacation north of the border. I hesitate to mention some of the more wacky, folklore based and Old Wives remedies to alleviate this insect affliction. This is all undertaken even to if you intend to stay indoors and do not at all harbour any thoughts to venture out to see the unfettered night sky including the Milky Way, possibly the Aurora Borealis or the tremendous landscape in silhouette.

The Midge has undoubtedly had an impact on the attraction of Scotland as a vacation destination and for ultimate enjoyment of its great outdoors but perhaps there is an element of conspiracy in that relief from attack can be sought in the pubs, bars, restaurants and entertainment venues for a price.

To this end a proactive project was carried out in September 2008 by Aberdeen University and Rothamstead Research into midge habits in order to determine if there exists a formula for a wholly effective means of repellent.

The survey sample was quite specifically located on the shores of Loch Ness and comprised a total of 325 people who just happened to be visitors at that time.The study did reveal some interesting facts and statistics.

The midge definitely favours men of tall stature and overweight women. The reasons were however significantly different. In the former case a midge has a workable flying altitude of 2 metres and associates trees and vegetation at this height with food. Tall men are therefore a rather confused source for sustenance. In the latter the feasting of midges is on the common extrusions from overweight women of carbon dioxide and lactic acid. The survey did not comment on the emissions of large, fat males because there were none milling about at Loch Ness at the time. This sounds like a self  fulfilling prophecy if ever there was one. They are overweight simply because they do not take strenuous exercise in the open air in september around a deep water Loch.

A surprising revelation of the survey was that around 15% of the sample had a natural immunity to midge bites and when questioned on this it was apparent that this was the same with other family members and of different generations of the family, therefore indicating a genetic disposition. The report does not state if this charmed proportion of the population were culled and disected in the interests of science, humanity and the Scottish Tourist Board. Volunteers must have been forthcoming in that the secret repellent was identified as being a combination of two chemicals- geranylacetaone and methylheptenone. These can be artificially processed on an industrial scale and are sold to the perfume industry in particular.

The basis is a floral compound of fruity aroma but totally abhorrent to the midge. The merits of these compounds for intelligent pest management have not escaped the commercial world and a series of products are currently well into the test stage pending production. The availability of such a repellent will be revolutionary for the nation of Scotland.

It turns out that there really are those amongst us who always come up from any adversity, smelling of roses.