What Fathers do Best

I have been celebrating Father's Day today by doing things that Fathers do best.

Here is a list of the things that I can recall in a very hectic day indeed.

Made myself a cup of tea
Did some paperwork for a couple of hours in the idyllic, calm quiet of a June morning.
Welcomed my son to the new day and made him a cup of tea.
Watched a bit of sunday television whilst shuffling a few more work papers.
Said good morning to my youngest daughter and made her a cup of tea.
Popped out on foot to the local supermarket to stock up on breakfast things.
Prepared the bacon to bake in the oven and sliced the croissants ready for a civilised butty
Kissed my wife good morning and made her a cup of tea
Serve up breakfast
Make another lot of cups of tea
Clear away the plates and cups and stack the dishwasher
Tidy own mess in the kitchen
Think about having that weekend shave
Think about it some more.
Experiment with perception of rugged look.
Fail
Go to the large B&Q to buy low energy light bulbs, a curtain pole and ring top curtains.
What a lot of choice. Confusing.
Think about looking in Yellow Pages for a curtain expert
Cruise the aisles of the big city supermarket for a few provisions
Return home and encourage son to mend the puncture on his bike
Take on supervisory role in said activity
Hands remain perfectly clean throughout
Congratulate son on doing a good job
Drill a few holes to hang the curtain pole, 60% of them successful
Struggle with the other 30% which coincide with the concrete lintel over the window
Bodge the fixing for the middle support bracket of the curtain pole. Await recriminations.
Cover my tracks for the above.
Have a look inside a pull cord light fitting that does not pull.
Think about looking in Yellow Pages for electrician
Climb on a chair and undo light fitting
Climb off chair and switch off ground floor lighting circuit
Resume precarious position on wooden chair on slippery tile floor
Loosen a few screws and hear them fall on the floor and roll somewhere out of sight.
Forget to note wiring connections on old fitting
Bodge the fixing of the new pull cord but congratulate myself when it works.
Hang around listening for fizzing sound or smell of smoke anyway
Cover my tracks for the above.
Euphorically attempt to repair faulty pull cord fitting for extractor fan.
Strategic withdrawal when realise a bit more involved
Change a few lightbulbs where correct type purchased from B&Q
Keep the others just in case
Move some furniture for a friend in the back of the estate car
Marvel at the load bay capacity of a VW Passat
Unload and re-assemble furniture for said friend
Leave the back seats folded flat in rebellious manner.
Drive to the petrol station to fill up wife's car for her drive to York to take daughter home
Enjoy a wonderful meal cooked by wife and think about cracking open a bottle of beer.
What goes best with lamb, mediterranean vegetables and apple crumble?
Console youngest daughter who is poorly and a bit down about things.
Offer to drive her to York.
Return that tantalising dewy sided Carlsberg to the fridge for another day.
Load up the car and take on the 80 mile round trip.
Glorious roads, wide and traffic free. Other dads must be snoozing off a boozy day.
Play Joe Bonamassa CD very loud for most of the return journey
Accelerate away from the traffic lights at the end of the by-pass startling a Nissan Micra driver
Wave at the old lady in the Micra.
Glance at rugged face in the rear wing mirror
Close but not quite.
Get home, tired but wonderfully happy.
A Perfect Father's Day.