Pain in the Neck

One of my earliest childhood photo's, I must be about two or three years old, clearly shows that I had an affinity for wearing neck ties.

Granted, being very much a minor, the early picture with me in short trousers and crisp white shirt (must have been very freshly put on as there is no dribble or puke on it) is nicely set off with an elasticated cotton dicky bow tie. I looked as dapper as could be.

Through the rest of my formative years further family album photo's showed a continuation of the suave dress sense but I had graduated to a proper neck tie, albeit and for some strange reason still on elastic. Perhaps there was a lack of faith in my behaviour from my loving parents but given my accident prone nature until well into my teens I am grateful for that caring gesture.

My school days, particularly in the senior years, were those of strict enforcement of uniform wearing and a proper tie-up tie was an essential part of the discipline and establishment ethos. Grasping the tie-ing of a tie is at first quite difficult taking a sense of upside down dexterity and three dimensional perception or as I learned, around the tree twice, up and then down the rabbit hole and pull.

My classmates and I competed for the shortest or fattest tie and wore these proudly as badges of honour until we found ourselves in detention after school for a contravention of uniform policy.

I had a few years away from wearing a tie in my ongoing education as a student away at Polytechnic until it was time to attend interviews for that first job after graduating.

That was in 1985 and I can honestly say that, apart from during holidays, whilst sleeping, when having my appendix out, swimming, gardening, operating heavy machinery and other informal activities I have rarely gone a single day without wearing a tie.

It is an integral part of my identity and confidence. I will have inherited this as a genetic trait from my Father, a 40 year serving employee of a Bank and with my strongest recollections of him, he passed away 5 years ago, being in business suit, stiff starched collar, well pressed shirt and a smart tie.

There is something reassuring and constant in wearing a tie and those that I meet and come across in the course of my livelihood seem to take comfort and can be seen to visibly relax upon the sight of it.

There are exceptions, of course, such as those who mistake me for a police officer, Television Licence official or an undertaker and in each of these scenarios, in order, tend to run away, hide behind the curtains and go all serious and respectful.

I am at that stage when not wearing a tie gives me a sense of nakedness.

On a practical basis I do trash a lot of nice ties with them getting worn and shiny under the car seat belt, torn upon being caught on nails or heavily stained with coffee and foodstuffs (once a dribbler and puker, always a dribble and puker).

That is a shame as there is nothing better to instill a sense of wellbeing than a silk printed example, strong stripy motif or my favourite, a bright red Paul Smith necktie with, on the reverse liner a picture of a busty, scantily clad woman.

In power meetings, although I do not attend many, the knowledge of this illicit image, just out of sight can be quite exciting.

I was today, however, given a glimpse of the future and found it disturbing.

Sat in a Starbucks coffee shop in the business district of Leeds, Yorkshire, UK at lunch time I realised that out of the suit wearing clientele I was the only one wearing a tie.

It was not a hot or humid day and so a cool attire was not the case.

It appears that there is a trend to discard the tie and just go about with open neck shirt.

Whatever next?

Swapping city shoes for sneakers!  rolling up sleeves! or just going all casual with it during office hours.

I blame David Cameron for this expression of slack fashion sense in his much publicised hustings performances and even before him the culture in the United States for dressing down whilst in business.

There may be something more sinister behind this shocking trend in that job types and working environments have changed fundamentally in recent years what with zero-hours contracts, short term employment , poor security, prospects and  longevity in any one sector.

My response?

I just tighten up the knot on my grubby, threadbare current tie and with that little bit of discomfort and constriction around the neck carry on as best I can to earn a living.