English Lesson 10

One of the many radio re-runs that I find myself laughing out aloud to is "I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue" which is a very long running improvisational comedy show which over its many decades has featured the very best in comedic and entertainment talent.

A regular feature in the show is the offering by the participants of definitions of words towards the Uxbridge English Dictionary.

For any student of the English Language this must be most confusing as although the donor word is a bona fide one the meaning as described is only intended to elicit laughter or gasps of shock and awe.

The letter featured here has a heavy Jewish influence for which I can only apologise. Please remember that some of the definitions are from a distant and much less enlightened and sensitive era.

Here is a bit of a compilation of definitions either broadcast since its launch in 1972 or just held in a remarkable database produced by Kevin Hale, undoubtedly the greatest fan and authority on the subject. I admit to contributing a few as the letter J otherwise offers fairly sparse pickings for humour.

Jigsaw- Repetitive Strain Injury from too much Irish Dancing

Jacobites - a snack range from the Pop Star Michael Jackson

Jittery- a bit like a jitt

Justice- a Pub Bar that has no sliced lemons or cocktail cherries

Jamboree- a hat made out of fruit conserve

Jockey- how a Scotsman lets himself into his house

Jeopardise- a sad bit of news about Jeopar

Jellied Eels- Special Offers on Hartleys Strawberry and other flavoured gelatine treats

Jasmine- high opinion of his own body of work by Miles Davis

Judiscious- Hebrew Crockery

Juncture- a flat tyre in the middle of a busy crossroads

Jodhpurs- where Show Jumpers keep their loose change

Jerrycan- a German Version of Jim'll Fix it

Jerrycan- Vorsprung Durch Technik

Jackaroo- a tool to lift up a Joey

Joking- a very ordinary monarch

Junkyard- the first three feet of an antique shop

Joust- the Birmingham accent equivalent of "only"

Jugular- a well endowed female Vampire

Jocular- A Scottish Vampire

Jointly- something owned by two blokes called Lee

Jedward- sick bay for Irish Novelty Act

Juniper- small child from Tel Aviv

Jocularity- laughter on horseback

Judo- raw material for Bagels