Like Herding Cats

The principle behind herding cats works very well with dry leaves on a blustery day. Of course, the idea behind herding cats is to gather them up which is in direct contrast with my intention, with a front garden prone to collecting leaves, to get rid of them all. This is the third successive sunday that I have tackled the leaf problem. Both previous spurts of energy had been on calm and still days. The process of raking out a mass of dry, brown leafs from beneath the bushes and shrubs, throughout the flower beds, around the base of the magnolia tree and from their resting place at the base of the front boundary wall had created a carpet of crispy, brittle foliage that ran from the front door of the house to the garden gate. Another pile was formed on the lawn. It was back-breaking and knee-aching work to then scoop up the debris to fill three hessian garden bags and an overflow dustbin. The source of the leaf debris is a huge Plane tree on the roadside verge. It is a magnificent example providing privacy for the front facing rooms of the house and some welcome shade in the height of summer.There was a bit of a panic when the 66 Bus, a double decker had collided with the tree some years ago and we feared for its future as the impact had caused some injury to the assorted loose passengers and damage to the front upper corner of the vehicle. The tree survived and has been regularly maintained since in terms of cutting back any branches protruding over the carriageway. There is a trade-off for the retention of the tree however. The shallow, snaking roots are visible from their distortion to the pedestrian pavement and a crack through our front boundary wall. The tarmac driveway to our house is also quite rucked and ridged from the course of roots and although I have composed, in my mind, a strong letter to the Local Authority to redress the damage, I have held off sending an actual ultimatum for the sake of the welfare of the tree. Any correspondence from me would certainly represent a three strikes and out you're down scenario. The leafs of the Plane tree are joined by many other surrounding deciduous sheddings with our front garden obviously being a swirly wind backwater and depositry for the neighbourhood vegetation. On this third attempt to clear the garden I had the greatly appreciated assistance of a gusty and blustery gale force wind. On hearing the storm force whistle around the back of the house and down the driveway in the early darkened hours of the day I had hesitated about venturing out to do any garden chores at all. The small recycling bin had been heard tumbling towards and coming to rest under the front bumper of the car. The wheelie bins, three of them, were unable to roll anywhere being full to the brim with appropriately allocated and sorted contents but jostled and nudged each other by the side door to the kitchen. In spite of two full loads of garden debris having been transferred to the tip there was still quite a volume of leafs in the usual positions. I dragged out a good proportion of these onto the driveway and was thrilled as the pile rapidly diminished with the wind whipping the bone dry fragments away down the street. Not wanting to be accused of freeloading or exploiting the street-sweeping budget within my Council Tax payments I stood a garden bag and the old plastic bin by my side and estimated that if I actually gathered up about 30% of the debris then the balance, lost to the howling gale was permissible wastage. I looked busy and diligent as two ladies approached from opposite directions and paused in conversation just at the tree. The dialogue, covering the calibre of respective Sunday Church Services, health and welfare of relatives and the good form of Hull City did drag on a bit and although not directly eavesdropping I found that I had only picked up and bagged about 10% of the target pile. The ladies found themselves in a maelstrom of debris and airborne foliage as the wind picked up more speed and more materials. As they moved off in their original directions I forged ahead with my re-distribution plans. Two large bushes were cleared by my coyly lifting up of their lower skirts and dragging out the leafs with the expandable rake. A surge in the wind threw many of these up into the air and to my dismay they just caught and settled on the line of heebies and shrubs running paralell to the front door approach path. My operation moved to the pathway and soon the concrete strip was covered in a layer of debris but continously moving and agitating. Quickly I gathered up and coerced the leafs towards the front gateway where they were caught up in our local East Yorkshire equivalent of the roaring forties and just disappeared.

The pathway was now just covered in dry soil and twigs which had settled to the bottom of the pile and could be swept back into the flower beds for ecological decomposition. I was quite satisfied with the outcome of the chore and felt considerably less guilty of my intention to spend the rest of the afternoon stretched out on the sofa watching television.