Practical Parenting

What can be acheived by the spit dampened corner of a cotton handkerchief you would not believe? Our Mother pioneered wiping the faces of a progression of offspring in a swift and, to the rest of the world, invisible motion which left us all sparkling clean for public display. Yet a mere few seconds before we were well coated in chocolate, marmite, orange juice and ice cream. We were never hungry or wanting for refreshments in our house. I do not know or understand, now that I am a parent on a budget, how our Mother managed to feed, clothe and maintain the five of us in pristine condition.We were after all, the children of a Bank Manager and that did involve some social standing and responsibility. I distinctly remember a teacher at the grammar school requesting my presence on a dinner table of unruly pupils because I was civilised. I promptly had the misfortune of spilling the whole contents of liver and gravy down my trousers which made for a very unpleasant afternoon of lessons. On the way home after school I was conscious of being followed closely by a number of dogs. There was always the wonderful aroma of a chicken soup in the house on a monday using the leftovers from a sunday lunch feast. This was in competition with the warm soapy odour of steamy clouds of Fairy Snow being emitted every time the lid of the twin tub was raised for a mass of kids clothes to be hoisted out and transferred to the spin dryer. On the occasion of a home perm day we would be further immersed in an evocative smell, faintly chemical but very comforting. The completion of a perming session resulted in the availablilty of a small squeezy bottle which made a great weapon with which to squirt water around the house and at brothers and sisters who dared wander into range. Breakfast was always on the table. Ready Brek kept us glowing all day in the winter or we would squabble and bicker over the contents of a variety pack. Competition crept into our sitting down for meals. The first child to open the jar of peanut butter claimed it with their christian name initial carved with the end of a knife. The second child on the scene would scoop out the top of the jar with a teaspoon and eat it ceremoniously. We drank, between us, gallons of orange squash. The tall and slim Tupperware beakers could hold about half a pint at a time but were very unstable and an orange squash tidal wave across the table cloth was a regular hazard. We felt like millionaires with the arrival of the marvel of gaseous technology that was the Soda Stream. Instant fizzy drinks and to our innocent minds, completely free being based on tap water, a squirt of inexhaustible flavours and the press of a button. The cost of the carbon dioxide cylinders must have been prohibitive. Weekday meals and snacks were always in the kitchen. There was great comfort and familiarity in opening a cupboard and finding a large multi-pack of Rileys Crisps, for many years only available in plain ready salted. Our large family warranted some shopping from a wholesale Cash and Carry. The crisps, now in a large box, along with Bounty Mars and Marathons were stashed quite high in the top cupboard in the girls bedroom. A wise precaution to prevent light fingered pilfering without putting the required number of pennies in the honesty system receptacle of an old margarine tub.The actual consumption of the contents of the cupboard was a close run thing between us kids and a succession of field mice. Over and above looking after the five of us Mother was always glamorous and we would hang around at the foot of the stairs to see Father and Mother dressed up to go to a function of the Junior Chamber of Commerce or Banking Institute.These were usually held at the atmospherically named Corn Exchange or The Angel Hotel in the town. It was the 1970's and Mother seemed to float around awaiting the baby sitter in brightly coloured frocks and gowns with Father smart and shy in his best going out suit. I do not think that we ever heard them come home after a do, they were just always there in the morning when we were drowsy,and hungry or one of us had done a wee in the waste paper bin because, alledgedly the bathroom was occupied. One of the many great things about Mother was her sporting prowess.She maintains her slim, optimum weight to this day  which is not surprising as she was perpetual champion of the mums race at school sports day, hurtling down the track bare foot and outrunning all-comers. I often wondered what time she would have recorded given a pair of running-spikes and her own starting blocks. Mother drove and we would pack into the car, well exceeding any recommended loadings but that was in a different era of  motoring. I do remember us being in the Morris Minor on our way to Wisbech to visit friends when a passing lorry sent a huge shower of rainwater through the half open drivers side window. Mother carried on, soaked, but as though nothing had happened to divert her attention from the road. There were some sad times though. I remember the phone call to say that Nana Janes had passed away and all that then was required to look after Grandad Dick. There were some humourous times. We found out Mother had a pack of cigarettes in the kitchen drawer. A bit distressing was the combination of natural gas and a naked flame which left Mother's fringe and eyebrows scorched and frazzled. There is a very distinct smell to melted hair that tends to linger in the senses.  It must have been very difficult to provide 100% attention and 100% love for 110% of the time to 5 needy children and all at the same time without favouritism or exclusion in any form. For these and many other reasons I feel that we have all grown up with sound family values and a sense of responsibilty and conscience. We do not always remember to say thank you to the main influences in our lives but when we hit a situation or crisis we call on our own experiences and somehow, instinctively know how to get through.