The Bald Facts

I laughed heartily at the story of the local man who, in an attempt to disguise his rapidly receding hairline used to fill in the bald parts with black boot polish. All well and good in the winter but with an altogether different story in the hotter seasonal months when the patch-up work was seen to melt and run down his face and neck as he strode proudly down the High Street going about his business.

Quite sad really and even more so because I am at that follically challenged stage in my life with a very visible, best found in a monastery style, bald patch.

This has not crept up on me unannounced but rather I have been in denial. The periodic perusal of the archived family photo albums, with the luxury of hindsight, do hint at my thinning crown, particularly in my mid to late twenties.

In my teens I had a very thick and unruly head of hair and it was an in-joke that it had never seen a comb or brush when drawn attention to by relatives at the usual round of functions. My wedding day photographs indicate a lightening of my dark brown hair. If slightly damp then the pink of my scalp is clearly visible.

Genetically I was destined to be bald following the line of ascension from my father and both grandfathers. It was not a problem for them as it was quite rare anyway to see men of their respective generations with luxuriant and flowing locks. The short back and sides was the classic cut and a preparation for the onset of hair loss, followed by the comb-over.  Haircuts just took a little less time each and every time in the barber's chair.

I am monitoring the media on a regular basis however for any Class-Actions against
1) Manufacturers of childrens cowboy hats
2) The Cub Scouts
3) Grammar School Uniform suppliers
4) Peaked cap makers.

I personally suspect a cover up by the Scouting Association of research showing that the soft felt type lining of their distinctive green cap exacerbated a genetic disposition towards baldness. I had to wear a hat for the first couple of years of senior school of the same composition as my scout cap. Cowboy hats which came with a typical wild west  play set were always very good at retaining sweat which could also have contributed to my physical appearance above and behind my eyes.

I had not really appreciated the stigma attached to baldness or at least the magnitude of the problem as seen and perpetuated by those commercial interests marketing and selling remedies and cures.

This hit home during my recent casual reading of an in-flight magazine. This had a full page advertisement for a pill based treatment for bald men which claimed to be the answer to low self esteem, a poor rate of success with the laydeez, supposed overlooking in promotions at work and in other equally damning scenarios where those of a full pate always seemed to, I apologise for this, be ahead. The course of supplements must, the advert stressed, be carried out over a continuous period which was not specified but no doubt lasted a lifetime. Kerrching, as the tills rattle up a sale.

Of course there are the old wives tales about how to arrest and reverse hair loss but personally I have not been keen on having the top of my head licked by a cow, at least not after that last abortive attempt on the local Common.

The flip side is the myth that totally bald men are virile and masculine, no doubt a great piece of propaganda spread and perpetuated by totally bald men through history. In the distant past the loss of hair would in fact have had no male exclusivity and through vitamin deficiency, the likes of ringworm or even the enforced sale of hair in order to survive, both sexes would be so afflicted. The answer would therefore be the wearing of a wig. This cosmetic  necessity would soon become a fashion statement in the 17th and 18th Centuries and a major industry in its own right.

I was interested by a framed print in someone's lavatory dated 1882 from The London Illustrated News which waxed lyrical on the merits of a certain Dr Scott's Electric Hairbrush.

This was a development in tandem with the less attractive sounding Flesh Brush marketed as a "Sure Cure for Rheumatism). The Electric Hairbrush offered a complimentary cure for, it was reputed, not just baldness but also nervous and bilious headache, neuralgia, dandruff, premature greyness and to soothe the weary brain. Big claims indeed and all for the price of 12 shillings and sixpence ( up to £734 in 2012 terms), post free. The Victorians did like the endorsement of products by the great and the good and Dr Scott of The Pall Mall Electric Association Ltd, 21 Holborn Viaduct, London sought this marketing edge by hinting at supplying the likes of the Prince and Princess of Wales, The King of Holland and The Right Honourable W E Gladstone.

Here then is the science behind the product.

The brush handle was made of a new and, but unspecified, unbreakable material resembling ebony which had properties to produce a permanent magnetic current to stimulate hair glands and follicles. In the days before portable appliance testing Dr Scott provided, with each product, a silver compass to indicate the power from an activated brush. The actual brush, as illustrated on the newspaper extract, did look quite a work of art with pure bristles, although if my schoolboy physics serves me well these would not be capable of conducting an electro-magnetic current, and an ornate carved handle. The usual money back promises were made if not fully satisfied with the product or its miraculous properties.

It appears that the popularity of the electric hair brush, in spite of claims of thousands of testimonials available for public scrutiny, was relatively short lived.

The remarkable Dr Scott, if indeed a person rather than just a brand name, remained prolific in his innovations and in successive years was responsible for such gadgets as electric plasters, insoles, rheumatic rings, shoulder braces, throat protectors, nerve and lung invigorators, body belts, wristlets, sciatic appliances, anklets, leg appliances, office caps, and other special appliances made to order.

He also offered electric curry combs for horses. This latter item is interesting as, although I do suspect a degree of quackery surrounding Dr Scott, I cannot ever recall having seen a bald horse.