Christmas Carrots

In the run-up to Christmas and even for the best prepared and organised amongst us there will always be somewhat of a nagging feeling that something important has been omitted.

The tree is obvious by its physical form in a prominent position in the house. The presents also by their....presence. Cupboards will be unusually well stocked so as to be difficult to close up tightly. The turkey has been collected and the bag of giblets paraded in front of the squeamish children. Seasonal Greetings cards give a good prompt to make sure that we reciprocate. There are constantly reviewed lists of family, friends, acquaintances, the paper boy and milkman, dustbin operatives. The "must-have" is a mopping up list for last minute purchases before the shops close their doors on Christmas Eve.

Everyone has their defined responsibilities and a target to work to.

At some point you have to accept that you are well and truly prepared or if not, there is nothing that can be done about it.

It was therefore with grudging acceptance that I found out my gross and unforgiveable error of not buying any carrots for Christmas Day dinner.

It was not out of laziness or carelessness on my part.

One of my specific briefs had been to acquire all of the fruit, veg and nuts for the main part of the festive period. This I took on with enthusiasm and even researched local traders who could provide this service very much on a One-Stop Shop criteria. I personally wrote down the list which took up a whole side of an old envelope. It was a rational and structured approach stating specific quantities in both imperial and metric and for loose items assuming the feeding of five persons. If only I could retrieve the list from the fruiterers in my defence,  to reveal if carrots had not actually been written down, or simply to explain a supply chain problem at the shop. 

I was called to account for my action, or rather inaction by the whole family. I felt a bit like that small boy in English Civil War garb in the W.F Yeames painting but under the amended title of "Why did you not buy any carrots?".

I put up a spirited defence along the lines of ;

"it's not actually a proper vegetable", (based on my quick reference to the Wiki which indicated that although part of a longstanding plant pedigree, the carrot that we know today is a genetically engineered for the modern palate),
"the colour really clashes with the tone of the other foods", (given that the predominant tones are beige, green, red, brown and off-white),
"the shape is all wrong ", ( roundels really clash with the rough hewn roast potato, long thin parsnips, perfectly oval sprouts, elongated pigs in blankets and other informal forms on the plate") ,
"no one actually admits to liking them anyway", (just take a quick poll wherever you are),
 "they are so inconsistent in taste and cannot be relied upon", (some can be delightfully sweet and moist but most are fibrous and very woody in texture),
"we only have three decent saucepans to cope with four different vegetables" (that happens to be true)
and really pushing credibility
"they are a bit politically controversial and emotive, what with their strong association in their modern manifestation in the Netherlands in the 17th Century and that protestant symbolism", sourced from the authoritative work of 'Carrots and Religion in the Post Reformation Period'.

I tried that one after hearing about the Northern Ireland Commission discussions on the volatility of flags and marches and felt that the provocative carrot should be included as both inflammatory to the current situation and as a potential offensive weapon.

Persuasive I must have been because nothing more was said on the subject. I like to think that in my own small way I have started a revolution at the Christmas table for the closet haters and despisers of the carrot. There will be no hardship to the growers and distributors of that bright orange veggie from my actions and I have no regrets on that basis. The humble veg will endure but just at other times of the year. I have not been short sighted, I can see some light in the darkness, people can have their carrot cake and eat it.