Knill by Mouth

Football has a knack of producing more off pitch stories than on.

There is a huge media circus linked to the professional game and consequently many times more non-players than actual players rely on gossip, hearsay, slander and malicious rumour for their livelihoods and income.

It is not surprising therefore that our daily newspapers and media reports are awash with footballing news however trivial or tenuous. There have been some great reports on the life, times and loves of players in those many idle hours that they enjoy after a bit of running and kicking about on the training ground and once or twice a week at the most in an actual competitive match.

It usually revolves around something inappropriately tweeted or leaked to an undercover reporter. It invariably involves a fast car or loose women, great extravagances or equally, great self sacrifice and generosity.

Of course it is not just the players in the spotlight but also the managers.

They seem to have more than their fair share of bad attitude and behaviour or just downright stupidity and banality.

Take the story in this Saturday's Times about the former manager of the up and down achievers of Scunthorpe United, a Mr Alan Knill.

His surname alone has been the focus of many a jest or tear streaked cheek over the often pitiful goal scoring record of the team.

His was not a very happy appointment at Scunthorpe even though he had played for the team for a few years in the 1990's. He arrived as Manager in March 2011 and lasted until sacked in the October of the following year. His first game in charge was a 6-0 defeat.

I recall seeing his interviews after a number of mainly poor results. He seemed like a nice, quite quiet and reserved bloke and you did tend to feel some sympathy. After all it is not him on the pitch and others will have let him down badly.

In the darkest days of his managerial role he did have one of those life changing experiences. Unfortunately he took it upon himself to tell the world about it and suffered the consequences. If only he had kept it between him and his conscience he may have weathered the inevitable storm and its far reaching back-wash.

The story goes like this.

Mr Knill was out on his bicycle, type not specified nor the reason for him being on two wheels whether a personal fitness routine or just a ride out with his family. It may have been one of those therapeutic bike rides, the blending of muscle and mind and a break from the pressures of being a manager of a failing team. Arguably, Mr Knill was at the lowest point in his Scunthorpe Nightmare. There was no respite in sight, no soon to materialise miraculous recovery in performance and results.

It was then that a wild squirrel shot out of the undergrowth and embedded itself in one of the wheels of the bike. It was a messy accident. The squirrel is understood to have perished in the spokes. Mr Knill was thrown into the air and in mid flight had that life changing revelation. It was as close to a near death experience as could be had on a bike with a squirrel as an impromptu emergency brake.

Regrettably, in the next press conference under the glare of the media for another defeat ,Mr Knill attempted to interpret the meaning of the Tufty incident. He summised that even though he felt like he was in a black hole in his career he realised that there were worse situations. The squirrel had taught him that. Being relieved of sanity was enough to convince the Scunthorpe Board of Directors that he had to go.

Last weekends round of matches in the lower leagues pitted, again, Mr Knill with his adversaries (Scunthorpe United and not more squirrels) as he visited Glanford Park with his new team, Torquay who incidentally were lodged at the bottom of the division.

The home team announced that any supporters attempting to gain entry to the game dressed as squirrels would be refused at the turnstiles.

Do not underestimate the wit and sarcasm of the average footie fan. They can be superbly funny and also very cruel in their individual or collective chants and calls. The fact that the club issued a warning must have been based on a threat of an invasion of the terraces by persons so attired.

The fact that someone had thought of it is a part demonstration, part protest or just satire illustrates the passion and role played by the game in our lives . True fans do not readily forget or forgive those who have messed about with the most important thing in their lives- their football club.