Noodle Doodle Do

The recent demise of the train robber Ronnie Biggs brought to mind the transition that often occurs from arch villain/blaggard/right nasty piece of work to just "a bit of a loveable rogue".

I am in sympathy with those individuals and families directly and indirectly affected by the aforementioned rail heist and other heinous crimes. The passage of time may have permitted them to arrive at a place of forgiveness in order to achieve some form of closure even if it is still not reasonable in any universe to expect  acceptance of the perpetrators as modern day Robin Hood characters.

There have always been heroes and villains and the moral position between them can often be vague and ill defined. Take Nelson Mandela. In the eyes of his comrade campaigners against the injustice to humanity that was Apartheid he was a freedom fighter. To the white supremacists holding desperately onto any recognisable sovereign power he was a terrorist. Many dictators have, before falling to moral corruption and their own God Complexes, been held as saviours of their nations.

On a not dissimilar theme the Pot Noodle was voted, in 2004, the most hated of all branded foods.

It took some time to attain that position of vilification from the consumer nation of ours. The origins of the quick snack were in the days of post war shortages and austerity in Japan and its first incarnations fulfilled a desperate requirement for a simple filler for empty stomachs.

The introduction of the more recognisable rebranded versions of Pot Noodle to the wider world and in particular the UK came in the mid to late 1970's. It was a logical addition to a freeze-dried line-up of cuppa soups and Vesta meals which represented the pinnacle of the industry in dehydrated foodstuffs.

I recall my first exposure to a Pot Noodle as a teenager.

Peer pressure was at play to try this new fangled lifestyle and aspirational product.

I was afraid to be caught sneaking back home before family tea-time with dry powder on my face or the unmistakable odour of chicken flavouring on my breath. In my year at school we all partook to one degree or another. Some became addicted to the infusion, the huge infusion of salt, preservatives and MSG and a little bit stupid on the highly charged sauce sachets.

I swear that I never inhaled. It was banned from packed lunches and had to be locked away if found in duffle or kits bags on the bus on the way to a Scout Camp.

It was the height of sophistication to treat the opposite sex to a beef and tomato Pot Noodle.

Unfortunately, the product was soon to fall from the high standing in which it had been launched through misinformation of its composition and not a little ridicule in popular humour. Doubt was cast on the nutritional benefits of the compact meal and rumours were rife as to what actually formed the ingredients. There were the usual, highly hilarious but ultimately upsetting jibes of "Not Poodle" and so on.

The product was however good enough in commercial performance to entice the massive Unilever Corporation to purchase the rights and intellectual property of Pot Noodle from Golden Wonder in 1995. A factory in Wales churned out 155 million of them a year as an endorsement of their popularity, albeit very much clandestine, underground and closeted.

The undercurrent of hatred never really waned through the 1990's and beyond. It was not helped by controversial marketing campaigns playing on the venomous attitudes of a noisy minority hell bent on driving Pot Noodle out of existence. It was as if they were personally offended by a dehydrated mix of noodles. "Slag of all snacks" was a strapline in the succession of negative reinforcement from slick marketing and advertising companies.

The accusers persisted in their criticism of Pot Noodle as low quality when in fact it was a cloaked attack on the main perceived consumer market of the lazy and the poor.

Pot Noodles have never been marketed openly to the Middle Classes although the newest Piri Piri Chicken may appeal to those spying it on the shelves in the petrol station shop or large bulk sale supermarkets. It may even become a matter of inverted snobbery like matt black and de-chromed motor vehicles.

Pot Noodle has been the perfect excuse for an "us and them " situation.

Wars, throughout history have started on similar pretences.

I have today attempted a personal crusade to act as an intermediary between the Noodlers and the Abstainers. My position has been strengthened by the recessionary conditions afflicting our nation which have inevitably led to an increase in Pot Noodle consumption out of necessity for a good proportion of the population to meet minimum nutritional needs.

I have, for my lunch today, consumed a Piri Piri and after a brief lie down and recuperation from the overall experience am ready and fully prepared to rally forth my troops for a long and bitter campaign towards the full and unconditional acceptance of the Pot Noodle as a National Pleasure.