Civil War and Nice Manners

The outcome of one of those surveys hit the airwaves this week.

I am not sure whether to pack up and move further north in the light of its conclusions.

Shock upon horror upon disbelief.

The reason?. The trends and practices of  Southerners are spreading to the rest of the country and more significantly making their way into my adopted home patch of Yorkshire.

Personally I blame the proliferation of coffee shops within the Services up the M1 Motorway. Southern folk, those possessors of German manufactured motor cars bought brand new happen to pass through God's Own Country on their way to their second homes or to visit disadvantaged family and relatives who by a freak of short term contract Corporate relocation find themselves above the Midlands.

They stop off for a break at Woodall Services ,just to the south east of Sheffield and impress the locals with an intimate knowledge of the fare of Costa Coffee which can but impress those locals just partaking of a short journey across the M1 corridor. I have myself eavesdropped on the conversations of the southerners and amongst a lot of fanciful nonsense there is mention that, when they eventually reach their destination, it will be time for dinner or if the journey is impeded by older second hand vehicles, supper.

There, in that seemingly innocent overheard chit-chat is the key difference that defines the north-south divide.

What you call the evening meal reveals a lot about where you come from and even where you are headed.

I am a rare sort. Born in Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire and abducted by my family to reside in my formative years in Suffolk, Lincolnshire and Yorkshire I have a mixed blood.

I may want for dinner or supper after 5pm but I have been brought up in the north to have tea.

It was a proper teatime in our house. No sooner were the valves on the TV cooling down from major to just moderate fire hazard after Hectors House or Crystal Tipps and Alistair were we called in to sit at the kitchen bench set for our 6pm tea.

A traditional serving of pasta or beans in sweet syrupy tomato sauce on toast and followed by a serving of Angel Delight, butterscotch being preferred to strawberry every time.

I was not to know that to the portion of the country south of, say, Leicester the word Tea, meant a cup of Earl Grey, scones and jam.

In having tea I was accepting a working class concept and yet, surely, with a Bank Manager Father and a stay at home wonderfully caring Mother I was technically of the middle class or at least lower middle class persuasion.

It was a confusing time for a young lad such as me.

I had heard mention by well to do school friends of their parents having  Dinner in a post 6pm context but to me dinner was entrenched in the middle of the day or represented by a big roast and sit down on a Sunday lunchtime. To others, apparently, dinner referred to a posh evening do, 7pm or later possibly with attendance by friends and acquaintances and a lot of polite talk and putting cutlery down on the table between mouthfuls.

Supper was even more elusive by definition.

In our house it was used to describe a cup of drinking chocolate and a few Bourbons or Cheddar Thins just before The Waltons, The Likely Lads, Alias Smith and Jones or after The Goodies.

In more sophisticated circles Supper was an informal bite and yet I have subsequently been made aware that there are Country Suppers with 8 persons and an Aga Range or a Kitchen Supper, seemingly a simple, impromptu affair but actually being a catered function with a budget per head of about £200.

It is also apparent that the later you eat, the higher up the social classes you are likely to be. I can understand this in that a landowner attending to his Estate duties or a Captain of Industry having to lock up the expansive manufacturing premises may not reach home until well after twilight. There are exceptions however. Take the fish supper, a stalwart of the working classes and seen as a real treat to mark the end of a long hard week.

The nation may eventually stand or fall on the meanings or definitions of tea, dinner and supper. I regularly have a stand off with southerners on the subject.  Unfortunately, there would be gross misunderstandings in arranging a class battle on the basis of starting after dinner, after tea or after supper as it would inevitably mean a lot of hanging around between 12 noon and 10pm.

I would be sure to bring along a light snack or just have a late lunch...........................................