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In a High Street far, far away.........
I have seen something very upsetting and disturbing today and it has led me to undertake a complete stocktake of my life and understanding of the galaxy. I have yet to discuss with my son what we witnessed but I could see that he too was aware of a great disturbance in the pedestrianised areas of York. On our return home he disappeared into his room and I could hear the fzzuzz as he fired up his lightsabre followed by what sounded like sobbing and blubbing. Emotional about the whole thing he was. Well, I can now, on reflection, appreciate what the whole unrest and ugly incident was all about. A Stormtrooper, a single Stormtrooper had been lured away from his post outside the HMV store by a group of teenagers. I heard, secondhand, that the youths had made comments that The Battle for Hoth was nothing to do with the UK and we should not have supported the conflict. The trooper, whilst not involved in that war zone had lost some comrades in that icy wilderness and was understandably aggrieved at the taunts. The youths had not probably progressed beyond Cub Scouts and were not justified in their position. I sit on the fence on the issue unless oil and gas reserves are found under the glaciers and rocky pinnacles of Hoth. The trap was set and outside the Monsoon Store and adjacent to a Next outlet the combination of stress and a build up of carbon dioxide in that rather plasticky uniform formed the catalyst to an outburst. In an undignified scuffle the weapon of the Stormtrooper was unholstered and  struck the young adversary. His companions called the local contact number for the emergency services. I can imagine the call-taker frantically fingering through the training manual for the correct procedure for that opening line " I would like to report an assault by a Stormtrooper ". A witty response would be tempting but in the circumstances likely to be a disciplinary issue. The Police sent an officer , not anyone high up in the force, a rookie whose actions would form part of his assessment procedure later on. Toe to toe a conversation took place amidst a still growing crowd now causing an obstruction to the pedestrian flow. The proximity was not from intimacy or in confidence but because of the poor audio qualities of the Stormtroopers standard issue helmet, again from the use of inferior plastics in the injection moulding process. The tendering department of the Empire was well known for incompetence and corruption. By now I had to leave the situation to unfold of its own accord as the atmosphere was getting a bit heated, much like on Tatooine. I would scour the local papers during the coming week for the Court Reports if indeed a prosecution was forthcoming. There would of course be the usual enquiry and furore in the tabloids about the lowering of recruitment standards at the Stormtrooper academy and how entrance examinations were being dumbed down but set against these would be the equally strong arguments for sympathy for those in the military suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome and  that the ramifications of Einsteins Theory of Relativity had not yet been fully investigated and appreciated in the sphere of intergalactic conflict or Star Wars on Blu-Ray promotions.